Dead Man Walking

[Connemmara]

Called into see sick brother whom I haven't seen for a while. A very proud and independent man who reared his 4 sons on his own.


He came to the door couldn't breathe and my sister and I asked him could we do anything. Could you peel a cuppla of potatoes which of course we did and when we got into the kitchen tried to tidy it up.

Very sad - he was a very good looking man but too stubborn and need/s more help than he lets on. Just waiting waiting !!!!

[Ric.ror]

Do you live far from him Connie?
Could you visit it him regular - maybe make an excuse
My son visits my Mum nearly every day (ostensibly to take her a newspaper)

[sandyRoe]

I'm sorry to hear that. As Ric.ror said, could you try to get around more often? He may not like to ask for help but I'm sure he appreciates it.

[Connemmara]

His 4 sons are near him and one of them is carer but they are lads and they haven't a clue - the house needs a woman's touch as I did go down some months ago when he was in hospital and tried to do the best I could. But the lad (he is back and forth with the girlfriend) there is embarrassed at you being there and you can feel this atmosphere.

Also I went down with a cuppla hundreds pounds of goods ie washing up liquid, powder, teatowels bleach things he sort won't buy himself. One boy lives with him now and again (not his carer) but my Jesus there are clothes everywhere and my brother cannot lift these clothes. Last time no exaggeration son apparently when he is there eats in the bedroom and brings down the plates. That day I washed about 2 hours of plates which meant I could not get doing other things I wanted. It is an awkward situation. Also brother is not eating much either.

[Connemmara]

you are right Sandy but the problem is I can't get a car park space where he lives if I wanted to do this ostensibly (hope that is correct word)

I was going to slow cook some meats onions carrots (freeze them) and I know you can buy already peeled potatoes. May do this on the weekend. Even though he was a B in his day I feel sorry for him.

[sandyRoe]

Family bonds are surprisingly strong. You can only do your best for him, Conne.

[Ric.ror]

Do you think you could have a word with one of the sons?
Maybe let them know your doing out of sisterly concern - not for any financial gain or anything

[boingo]

Do you know who his Doctor is? Perhaps someone from the surgery could visit him and see if he is entitled to receive help from someone. Sorry, I don't know which sort of services, but it might be worth looking into. Good luck.

[wolf63]

What about arranging for meals to be sent to him? They are good quality meals but you will have to check that they are able to deliver to your brother.

http://www.wiltshirefarmfoods.com/delivery/

[Connemmara]

ric.ror - spoke to one of the sons about 4 weeks regarding fixing up my brother's bed and bedroom while he was away for tests - no no no I will do all that - never got done.

As for meals Wolf he isn't eating much. Also surprisingly enough he has a girlfriend but this son in the house never accepted her (brother too sick to do anything re girlfriend) - so my sister and I thought she could step up re the house but she wouldn't be allowed either.

The girlfriend was saying one day the district nurse came out to see him re some wound or the other and he was screaming to girlfriend (don't let her in) etc but the nurse saw him through the window and got in but said she wouldn't be back with his attitude. God bloody awful.

[Ric.ror]

Why don't you give the sons a clear date - say some time in the new year and tell them you are decorating your room/house and will have some materials left over so you will be over the following week to do his
I find that once you take the lead and be firm about it they will fall into line

[anneasquith]

very sad situation conn, would your brother allow you to contact social worker (elderly care) to assess his domestic situation, ?

[pixie373]

What does he have to say himself, conne?

[China Doll]

Call social services.

[Connemmara]

IF IT IS SAY YOU WANT INDEPENDENCE - THEN GO FOR IT - NONE OF US CAN HELP YOU. BYE JACKIE BOY

[sherrardk]

Sorry, but I don't understand your post.

[Connemmara]

SHERRARD HE MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR EVERYBODY AROUND MEDICALLY AND FAMILY TO HELP HIM - SO NOW IN MY MIND HE IS ON HIS OWN AND MIND YOU LOOK DEAD MAN WALKING. SO I AM LEAVEING HIM TO DO HIS OWN THING. IF YOU WANT HELP[ THEN i ARN'ET SHOVE IT INTO HIS CAKE HOLE bYE JACK IE BOUY.

[EcclesCake]

What The Funicular?

[ummmm]

So you're turning you're washing your hands of him?

[Mamyalynne]

It is so infuriating when someone refuses to be helped, but don't give up just now - contact his surgery and explain clearly your worries.

[pixie373]

As you say, he's proud and independent. He doesn't want any help. He'll know when he does.