I Have Got

marval | 22:43 Thu 29th Nov 2018 | Jokes

2 Answers

I have got myself a flash motor. A police speed camera van.

To maintain my standards I spend at least two hours a day working out. I am not in good shape or anything, I am just really bad at maths.

I nearly bought a hill today but it was a bit too steep.

I got sacked today from my job as a waiter. My boss said he thinks it will be easy to find better staff. Apparently I don’t bring enough to the table.

I went on a date with a simile. I don’t know what I metaphor.

Events in the last couple of days have been very damaging to boxing. Britain’s last cardboard factory has gone bust.

A window has just popped up saying: ‘Adobe reader is insecure. What do they want me to do, cuddle it?

I don’t wish to be unseamly, but my underwear has just fallen apart.

My friend snorts 10 lines of liquorice each day. He has allsorts of problems.

How do you make profiteroles shiny? With choux polish.