Still confused...

[samantha_el]

I recently just placed a question " Mother-in-law Drama" and I am saying thank you to those who answered...but I still dont know what to do. We both are paying rent to live there and have been since I moved in 1year ago. My bf doesnt want to rent as he said he wants to stay in that house until he can save up enough money to buy a place of our own.Renting, he says, will just be wasting money. Secondly, he told me if he moves out, his mother will get his ex to come and stay in his room. So I think he is scared in that way to move out and never be able to come home for whatever if his ex is staying there. My bf has always stood up for me but as more problems arise between me and his mother he tells me not to worry and to just ignore her if she doesnt want to support our relationship. But I cant ignore what is going on around me with what his mother is doing to make me upset. Should I confront her? Should I smash that photo on the wall?I am really frustrated and cannot handle this mad woman anymore..Please can someone give me advice on what to do...Thank you so much...

[woofgang]

If you are paying a commercial rent there, why not go pay it somewhere else. I don't know this guy but from what you have told us, its time to vote with your feet, Mummy has him under her thumb and he is likely to stay there!

[Miss Zippy]

I agree, you need to move out. If you confront her, it will make things ten times worse. Don't give her any ammunition to use against you, which will be the case if you start a row or smash up the photo. Your bf's mother sounds like an evil so-and-so but this is one battle you cannot win all the time you are living under her roof. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will follow you when you leave. If he doesn't, then you know where you stand and you can thank your lucky stars that you had a lucky escape. If your bf truly loves you, he will move heaven and earth to make you happy and be with you, so don't accept anything less.

[undercovers]

just another quick post to agree with the others - no point having a go at her just find a new place to live, even if bf won't come with you you'll be happier in the long run and better off away from this situation... maybe bf will grow a pair and move out too, but the dislike of renting thing does seem a bit of a cop out everyone else i know has saved up to buy a house while renting and yes it does take some time but depending on your mortgage you only need 5% of the purchase price which between two of you (if you are both working) can't be impossible if you really want it.

[Brinjal]

Move out Move out Move out. with or with out boyfriend. I wouldnt live with mt mother in law even if it ment staying in the kennel with the dog. And you are paying to stay there.

[WendyS]

Despite your protestations that your boyfriends sticks up for you, I think he's saying one thing but beneath the surface, thinking another and sooner or later he's going to have to choose between his mother and his girlfriend. The fact that you are still putting up with it is making it easier for him to avoid making a decision. Mother in law obviously doesn't like you and probably never will and she's perhaps hoping that by being friendly with his ex friend and offering her lodgings, she will split your relationship up. Well, she's well on the way to this already, isn't she, by making you so miserable. I'd be inclined to put a lid on it until Christmas is over to avoid giving everybody a wretched time, but give the boyfriend an ultimatum in the New Year. Either you both move out and create some space for your relationship together somewhere else or he sticks with his mum and you move on. This current situation has gone on long enough. It is getting you nowhere and you're just wasting your life. If he loves you enough he'll leap. If he doesn't, you'll know you made the right decision.

[NiceCupOfTea]

This is extremely weird. The mother in law sounds like a right one, and has taken one hell of a dislike to you for some reason. Why on earth did the ex stay at the house in the first place when both you and your bf were there too? She sounds just as odd as the mother in law. You didn't say why she moved out (albeit after two months), but are you sure she would move back in even if the mother in law asked her to? If your bf is not standing up for you, I would definitely say my goodbyes as he is a wimp, or has a secret agenda (though I doubt the latter if you have been together for 2 years). Or it could be that he just cannot see what all the fuss is about - though he would have to be quite dim not to realise that where ex-es are involved he should be treading carefully and not allowing her to be shoved in your face.

[sunnyside]

The mother in law is miserable and takes it out on you because she knows it bothers you. She should be pitied-try not to stay sucked into it. She will probably never warm up to you until she thinks you are not effected by it anymore.

Why would an exgirlfriend even want to come around and hang out with ex-boyfriend's mum?

Mum must like ex-girlfriend because she is able to control her.

As long as the mum monster thinks you are bothered, she will keep it up.

I would make a limit of time for bf like say 3 more months or whatever is right for you, that you will continue to live there before you move out.

Keep trying to be the good person when it comes to the bad mum. Try to ignore her, get out with bf and/or friends as much as possible if you can.

[lupen]

you have to tell her she is upsetting you (if you havent) do it in the most friendly way you can with your boyfriend there or something. or tell him to get his act together-its not fair that you have to suffer; its a hard situation to fix but it has to be fixed so i guess you have to decide what to do out of the choices you think u have