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Best Cockney Rhyming Slang

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Stav | 07:49 Thu 23rd Jan 2003 | Phrases & Sayings
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Whats the best Cockney Rhyming Slang anyone has ever heard?
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My two favourites are probably 'alans' for 'knickers' on the basis of the TV personality 'Alan Whicker' and 'chalfonts' for 'piles' on the basis of the place-name 'Chalfont St Giles'.
A few years ago we had a Dutch student with us at work. One day we were discussing somebody famous and I made a comment along the lines of, "Yeah, he ended up brown bread."

Immediately the student piped up asking, "What is this brownbread? I do not know this word..." When my mate replied that it meant "dead" he wrote it down in his notebook.

Since then, whenever I've heard the term I wonder how many Dutch people have started using the term on the strength of that incident!!!

Only rude ones: Going for an Eartha or Brad, Pie and Mash: Thruppeny bits etc etc But my favourite is Mutton Geoff. How about he's a right Answerbanker?
Mutton Geoff?? please enlighten me as I've led a sheltered existence. My fave is Britneys as in 'a couple of Britneys please, barman'.
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Oh, hes a bit Mutton Geoff, a bit mutton: DEAF! Good ones so far, but none a aint heard before yet! Keep going!
More filth: Johnny Vaughan (on me 'puter looking for some Johnny), Harry Monk (that bird from There's Something about Mary got a load of Harry in 'er barnet), Gorillas in the mist (went out last night and got right gorillas aka Brahms). Less filthy: Lionel Blaire (puttin' on me Lionels: I know Lionel was originally Lionel Bart aka D'oyle Cart (sp) but that's evolution). Enough already!
There was a site based on 'Popney' slang - I don't know if it's still there or not. My fave was 'Kylies' for brogues - "I'm going out and I can't find me Kylies!" Anyone remember more?
Delph=teeth he/she got a nice set of delph...nice eh! Skin and blister=sister.
This will be my last post on this subject, honest. These are pony but nevertheless: jack 'n danny, Hank Marvin, Lady Godiver, Ayrton Senna and Ruby Murray are the probably the ones I use most frequently (and sometimes in the same sentence).
Going down the Frog and Toad to see a Man about a Dog. Also, the Pop Goes the Weasel song.
'I was feeling a bit 'Uncle Dick' - sick...
what about put that in your sky [sky rocket - pocket], he's a morphy [bit more convuluted, Morphy richard = iron = iron hoof = poof], Blimey it's 'tayters = potatoes in the mould =cold, haven't seen him in donkeys donkeys ears=years ...
That is funny about donkeys as I always say "donkeys years". This reminds me about Geordie rhyming slang: we made it up after a few pints and essentially you ruin it by saying the proper word in a Geordie accent eg apples and stairs, frog and road, pig's beer etc etc (you had to be there).
Where i used to live (saaf London), your pants were called 'pirates' as in 'pirates of Penzance', and if someone was giving you grief, it was called major 'Lee Van Cleef' as in The Good The Bad and The Ugly. If you were in need of a toilet, you needed a 'Barney', as in 'Barney McGrew' of Trumpton fame. "Pull over here, i need a barney." (poo) There were numerous ones, if i remember any more, i'll re-post.
Oh yeah, trainers were called 'Glorias' as in Gloria Gaynor. "Does anyone know where i left me glorias?"
I should save these up really then post them all in one go, but here's another. More toilet humour i'm afraid - 'Forrest' is another term for having a #2, as in Forrest Gump. "Go away, i'm having a forrest." (dump)
I don't know if it's "real" rhyming slang, but I always thought "Merchant bankers" (rather than Answerbankers) was rather appropriate...
Most of these answers aren't proper slang though - Cockeny Slang is years old, so it eliminates most of the answers. Have been using most of them all me life though - Boat Race=Face, Oiley Rag-Fag, Plates of Meat=Feet,Hampstead Heath=Teeth - could name plenty of body parts (oh er missus!)
have you got lemon ? (lemon & lime - what 'time' is it ?), got any salmon ? (salmon & trout - snout, cigarette)

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