Rude behaviour

[miffy63]

My friends 5yr old son started to behave rudely towards everybody, family or strangers he knows no bounds. He shouts and calls people stupid idiots and calls his mother a stupid cow. Neither one of his parents speaks in this way so I don't know where he has got the aggressive 'tone' from. His mood changes very quickly from calm and co-operative to one of anger in a split second when he doesn't get his own way or for no apparent reason.
He also wets the bed, sometimes twice a night.
He is of mixed race, white mother and afro caribbean father but I don't know if this bears any relation to his behaviour other than I once read that afro caribbean's are more prone to mental health problems. At the park recently his mother suggested he play with the other children but he didn't want to saying that "they don't look like me", so clearly he's very self aware.
Obviously, they hope he'll grow out of it but I feel that there is something fundamentally wrong that needs addressing. I would appreciate any advice that anyone has to offer.

[natalie_1982]

Hi miffy, my neice is six years old and when she was around 4 she went through a phase of not wanting to be "brown anymore". It used to break my heart, but she had a huge complex about it. Her mother is white and her father is Jamaican. She didn't wet the bed or show any aggressive behaviour, but she did used to get upset.

After months of convincing her how beautiful she is and showing her celebrities like Beyonce and Halle Berry she kind of likes the fact now that she is a bit different and has a skin colour that most people would die for, and lovely hair, skin, etc. I think it also helped when she started school and there were lots of other boys and girls who are different races.

If his colour is the issue then just ask your friend to keep convincing him how perfect he is, and show him pictures of other successful or "cool" mixed race or light skinned people. I hope it is just a phase he will grown out of x

[meltoadhall]

apart from the colour issue, they could try the star charts for good behaviour and take away privileges for unacceptable behaviour.
if he's wetting the bed a trip to the gp could rule out any infection there.

[miffy63]

Thank you so much, all your advice is very helpful and I shall pass it on to my friend.

[amonty1144]

The rudeness is just a stage, my son is 5 and now everyone is stupid and he's started to swear....very mild but swearing nevertheless. It is yet another wonderful developmental stage and will pass. I'm afraid it comes from school and the TV.
I correct my son and have banned the use of the word stupid, so now everyone is weird. Try not to make a big deal of it.
As with the matters of identity, all kids get this at some point for various reasons, try and reassure them that they are different and special, but basically the same, I hope that makes sense.
Also it is true in some respects of menatl health issues within the afro-carribean community, however there is a lot of research that this is because they are just over represented, not that they are more likely to have problems but that they are more likely to receive treatment, therefore the figures are skewed.

[Neilzulu1]

Part of growing up i am afraid.