mum doesn't want my son overnight anymore :0(

[imajenarry]

my mum and dad have my son one day a week for me while i'm at work to keep my childcare costs down a little.they also used to have my son overnight for me. not very regularly..just maybe one night in 2 months,when me and bf had social thing we wanted to go to.first time was when he was few month's old and he is now 2 and 1/2. they've always seemed to enjoy it and liked seeing him first thing in the morning,etc - my little boy loved it and we had night off-so all was good. the thing is they haven't had him for a while now. and when i've asked recently-at the start of sept and then this week my mum has said no. :0( both times my mum has said she's too tired but having just been on holiday and having short weeks at work i wonder if it is something else? it's really bothering me so just wanted some views on this. my little boy is very good. goes to bed easily,etc. does wake up once in the night as a rule tho. any ideas anyone?

[pinktwink]

it si not your parents job to take your son overnight you were lucky they assisted to date but as your mum is getting oldaer she may not have the energy to get up at night even if it is only once. She has reared her family and it is her time now. You would be better offf finding alternative childcare if you and your bf want to socialise. Instead of focusing on the fact she wont do it anymore look at how lucy you were she has done it up until now. I see my own gran who have reared me and I was there a lot morning evening and night she was younger then. She doesnt have the energy now for the younger grandchildren and one of my aunts is bitter about it. Thats the selfish way instead of looking at all she has done. Similar to you your child is your responsibility not your mums job to give you a night out. Perhaps you should be more concerned about her for herself as opposed to the fact she cant babysit for you anymore

[imajenarry]

sorry if it come across as bit selfish.i do have lot on my plate. i'm working full-time and studying. (everyone tells me i should get out more cos work too much) i actually asked my mum to have little man overnight this week so i could have a morning to do some reports for my course.

[pinktwink]

thing is its not your mums job to mind your son it is yours. Perhaps she is sick have you asked her if she is ok for her not in a way that makes it look like youre trying to see why she wont babysit. Your mum has reared her children and whilst you work and study you also have the responsibility of a son. Instead of resenting your mum be grateful for what she did help out with and accept she is getting older and may not be able to childmind a toddler. I ams ure it must be hard for her as she realises she is not able

[imajenarry]

think it comes down to her being down about her job. i've been telling her for years(and that's not overstating it) to take the plunge and find something else but she won't.so don't know what to say anymore. this never stopped her having matt b4 tho. she used to enjoy it. i just wonder what the change is all.

[mumof3angels]

I can understand why you'd be bothered by it but really why don't you just sit down with your mum and ask her straight out why she doesn't want to have your son anymore. My mum and dad live about an hour away from me and every couple of months they have all 3 of mine for a weekend-which is just absolute heaven for me and mr mum. They're in their 60's and both still work full time but they love having the kids. If they turned round and refused to have them anymore I'd want to know the reason why and I'd ask them. Not that I'd resent them for it I know how tiring my kids can be. A lot of grandparents have their grandkids to stay overnight or look after them while the parents are at work. I'd just ask her- she's your mum I'm sure you could ask her anything couldn't you?

[clematis]

Speaking as a grandma who has 5 granchildren and loves everyminute of the times I have them(I love having them for sleepovers..not all 5 at once though)It is tiring especially if you have a disturbed nights sleep and perhaps your mum finds this too hard at the moment.Talk to your mum as the previous poster says she may be feeling ill and not wanting to tell you,there has to be a reason.
C.

[imajenarry]

i don't resent my mum for saying no-it's always been asked so that she could say no if it didn't suit. it's just that it's been such a while since last time mattie had sleepover and i'm wondering why. like i said at start everyone used to get something out of it.i did ask her yesterday before i posted this and she said she was feeling tired but got feeling there was more to it.not sure i can ask again. just wondering if anyone had any ideas what the prob can be and if mattie's has had his last sleepover? :0(

[lil75]

pinktwink....I disagree with you completely! Just cos you have children it doesnt mean you cant have a little time to yourself every once in a while, a bit of quality time with your partner is what everyone needs and if the grandparents cant help you out, then who can?!!!

Dont know why your mum doesnt want to look after the little man....you should pluck up the courage and ask her outright, you dont have to be rude about it, just be calm and explain how your feelin a little upset...if it is due to him getting up once in the night, cant they come over to you so when you get home, you can take over and they can go home and have a peaceful nights sleep....let us know how you get on x

[imajenarry]

thank you lil75. ended up feeling worse bout whole thing after those couple of replies last night :0( went to bed wondering if i'd been selfish and not realised.

[treborrobert]

i think you are all missing the point hear ! first of all its mum and dad looking after granson . not just gran !.. and if she was happy with it then why change ? and as for to old lol i am a grandad i work full time and i have my granson everytime i am of work 2 times aweek and holidays he is with me ,,,i wouldnt change it for anything what you dont think about is grankids keep you young and active ...

and my daughter is a one parent and unemployed .. but do i care NO !!....
I LOVE MY GRANSON ! AND HE IS 7 YEAR OLD and i been looking after him like this from 4 year old... to stop it would brake my heart and his too !!..

[sara3]

you need to sit down and ask her what is wrong. whatever the reason, she may have issues that you're not aware of, and they may not be directly related to you or your son.

in my own experience, I looked after my sister's kids a lot (before I had my own) and when I had my first she suggested having her to stay once a month. she did it ONCE.. then said it was too disruptive for her!

if she does it again, be grateful but if she really feels she can't you're just going to have to accept it.

[dot.hawkes]

i don't think your mum has actually said no to having your son stay ever, you've just asked her on nights when she wasn't feeling able to have him stay, why don;t you ask her to pick a night for him to stay and you will fit your life around her arrangements, I bet she's spent years accomodating you and now it should be her choice how she spends her time

[lil75]

No worries imajenarry...I think pinktwink was out to upset you to be honest...like kicking you when your down...sorry pinktwink but you was way out of line!!! Some people eh!!!

Dont get upset about it, it could be over nothing, just ask her x

[pinktwink]

lil i was not out to upset anyone just expressing my opinion felt ima was more concerned about the loss of her childcare than what may be going on for her mum.

[imajenarry]

u still think that pinktwink?reading thru my original post i wrote that i thought there was more to it. not resentful bout losing childcare-just wondered if maybe someone(grandparents possibly) on ab could shed some light on this for me. my mum isn't frail.she is in her fifties.

[pinktwink]

thing is ima we dont know you ar your circumstances and your mums so asking our advice when we dont have all the info is so surrreal it would be much better to talk to your mum first and then if you were unsure ask others opinion then

[terambulan]

Your mum is not helping you and will be the first to blame you if any harm comes to your son. I think your mum is being neglectful in not helping you. If it were me I wouldn't bother taking my kids round to my mums.....she would lose out!

Remind your mum that children are safest within the family care.

[Velvetee]

Whilst some Grandparents love having their Grandchildren to stay, others will find chasing after a toddler too much for them and will be of the feeling, they've had there time bringing their kids up and want to just hand the Grandchildren back at the end of the day.

Without wishing to sound harsh, but it was your decision to have your son, so it's not your right to expect your parents to have him, when you feel you want a break. They are doing you a favour and perhaps just want to spend their days doing what they want to do too.

[imajenarry]

thought i went into quite bit of detail in original post but hey ho. i had asked my mum..that's the thing and don't think got full story and thought someone on ab would be able to give their view of what it could be thru experience possibly. sigh.

[pinktwink]

thing is how could we give an opinion when we dont know your mum there are many many possibilities we could say all wel know is your mum says she is tired however the best advice comes from speaking to your mum asking her view and telling her yours.

terb sadly family is not always safest and whilst i am sure imas is home is where the hurt is for many many children and also where we are least likely to expect it. I work with families deemed at risk and there are many children that suffer abuse in the home. Ideally you are right children are best cared for by family as long as it is safe