teenager

[qaswqasw]

We have a 13 1/2 year old.  He is either very nice ie talking, baking, joking, positive sarcasm, spending time with us, writing stories etc etc etc, and then just when we think 'aah, isnt he lovely, he must be starting to feel ok' he totally goes oposite.  I put it down to teenage pmt, mental illness and all the rest.  He is moody, wont come out of his room, eyes filling up, agrressive in his speach, etc etc etc.  Then just when we think '****, our son will end up in prison', he goes all nice again.  We seem to now be realising that we have to be there when he needs us, and not be there when he doesnt, and take each negative as unintended.  Is anybody elsegoing through the same.  Must admit though, he seems pretty decent compared to some problems ive read ie drinkers, escaping etc.

[andy hughes]

I have three daughters, the youngest of whom is nearly sixteen, and believe me, every parent of a teen goes through this.

It would be great if the transition from chil to adult happened over a weekend - Friday cuddly and needful, Monday, employed and independent, but no, it takes about five years, and in that time they switch from one to the other, and all shaeds inbetween with no apparent cause or fathomable reason. ask your son why he behaves like this, and he'll most likely answer that he doesn;t know. Which is fine - that's the truthful response.

As you say, learn to be there when he needs you, at a distance when he doesn;t, with the sense to know the diffference. You'll get it wrong, often, but you still have to try, it's being a loving parent, and he will appreciate it, even if he doesn't say so.

Ask as few questions as possible, but make sure he knows he can talk about anything, anytime. Tell him the rules, and hope he listens. That's all you can do.

It does make you wonder how the world became over-populated doesn;t it!

[Bangkok]

I noticed in your other post that you have a 6 month old.  It is possible that your teenager is feeling all the normal teenage angst, plus being a little jealous if the baby gets most of the attention (which babies tend to do through practical need).  This just re-inforces Andy's suggestion that he may need some time and attention (when it suits him), and an understanding that there is no preference or favourite, but there is a practical need to spend more time looking after the baby

[5029]

I could hardly be PMT if its a boy

[qaswqasw]

5029...I realise that boys dont have PMT but its the only way to describe his moodswings!!!

[qaswqasw]

Bangkok...thanks for your reply.  We have been mindful to try not to let our teenager feel left out, but you never know how they feel.     

[Top totty]

Hi.

Its scary I know. I have a 13 year old son who shows the same kind of behaviour changes. Nice, friendly, helpful and generally fine one minute and a real sulky, moody, unhelpful and rude person the next.

I have sat many times and wondered what is the best approach and have deceided the only way is to ignore the bad and praise the good (kind of like what we do with toddlers) when he is being nice I tell him how great it is to have him around but he also knows what I think when the 'other person' arrives with his black looks.

There are times though when I realise that my son is wonderful all the time when I see some of my friends teenage children.

I also have 2 toddlers and believe me they are a complete doddle compared to this.

[qaswqasw]

Hi Top Totty.  My 13 year old likes to think he's Eminem-with the necklaces, bracelets, baseball hat etc...and so the only real time we kiss is most night times when i go into him to say night, (NEVER before school-even though i ask)or when he's poorly-he's real lovey then(which i secretly enjoy him being poorly!), but to see him with our 6 month old he is totally unbelievable.  He drops all the attitude, and is sooo kissy with him.  As soon as he gets in from highschool, he gets him, and snuggles him and smells him and plays with him.  I can only think of one time when he has said something negative (we wouldnt buy him a playstation and he said that if we didnt have baby we'd have more money,then he could get one!!)  But it is reasurring to know that no matter how grumpy he is, its not the real person there.  I too tell him that the 'other person' is not nice and ask where the other one is.  Thanks for taking your time to reply.

[sian744]

Hi Qaswqasw,

I too have a 13 yr old boy who is so moody it's untrue and i think he must have PMT! There must be a male version of PMT that boys get at 12 and never lose til old age! lol

I have the same problem in that my son is occasionally nice, maybe when he wants something lol but mostly rude! Things like "tidy your room and do the washing up" are greeted with "moan, groan, stamping feet, Slamming doors and i'm tired!"

It's very hard for me as i also have a 7yr old autistic son and he feels hard done by as my atention is alot of the time on him(7 yr old). However when i try to interact with my 13 yr old he doesn't want to know. He feels "hard done by" if he doesn't get what he wants. yet he has all the latest consoles etc!

My partner, who isn't his dad, says it's just hormones and he was like it at that age. His dad tells him to behave and he does for all of 2 mins whilst on the phone to his dad then he's all moody again.

Help!

Sian