Some one liners....

[Jemisa]

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair".

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She said is that you or the beer talking ? I replied it's me talking to the beer.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said 'obviously your not Fluffing listening'.

[bookbinder]

Those are quite smile-worthy, Jemisa! I felt, when I was reading them, that perhaps each one should begin with, "I say, I say, I say!"

[Jemisa]

You're right BB, Sort of 'Tommy Cooper' like too.

There's more to come...

jem

[emmie]

a man goes into the doctors,
and the doctor says, say ah, why said the patient
doctor, because my dog died.

Better when Tommy Cooper did it.

[VHG]

Woman goes into a bar and says to the barman "can I have a double entendre please".

"OK" says the barman, "sit over there and I will give you one later"

[Sado]

saw my doctor because I keep singing that old song, 'The lion sleeps tonight'. He said, "I know, I'm only a whim away from joining you"

[Answerprancer]

"Doctor Doctor! I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bum!"
"How's that?"
"Don't you start!"

[HarryFindlay]

Two irishmen are on a plane and one says to the other,"if this plane turned upside down would we fall out?" the other replies,"no, we will always be friends."

[Jemisa]

Thanks for joining in folks. :o}

jem

[Answerprancer]

I bought a year's supply of Marmite the other day - one jar.
I saw a couple in Tescos the other day with a bar-code wrapped around them, I said "Are you two an item?"
Did you know all male tennis players are witches ? Take Goran for example, Even 'e's a witch !

[venator]

It's the way you tell 'em...

[Answerprancer]

Sound of wind, distant church bell and a piece of tumbleweed blowing by ?

[marval]

My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He's a catholic converter.

[venator]

Wha?

[Jemisa]

Some good ones there, keep 'em coming. lol.

jem