A Few From Tim Vine

[Noth43]

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money at him. I said "Do you earn a living doing that?" He said "Yes, its my livelihood."
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said "You've been promoted." And I swerved. Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again." and I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said "You're managing director." and I went into a tree. A policeman came up and said "What happened to you?" and I said "I careered off the road."
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

...its my livelihood, ha ha (funny)

[chrisgel]

Brilliant! I Love Tim Vine. Thanks

[marval]

Love them

[factor-fiction]

He is good and, as far as i know, manages to avoid swearing or using offensive material

[Robinia]

lol, I love Time Vine too...

[Robinia]

oops, Tim, not Time!

[Answerprancer]

One of my favourite TV ones: Did you know all male tennis players are witches? ..Take Goran for example, even 'e's a witch.

[Noth43]

...lol...witches

[marval]

This one makes me smile.


So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

[Noth43]

so I was playing a game of dart with Eric Bristow and he said "hey, why have you put super glue on one of my darts" I said "you just cant let it go can you"

[magicmick]

Lol noth43 love tim vine not heard those, my fav is, saw my mate with black eye I said " what happened" he said " some one was throwing words at me begining with the letter t, I ducked those and avoided them but I never saw that coming"

[Noth43]

lol, love it.

[Ann]

Absolutely love Tim Vine, great one-liners. Only trouble is, he talks soooo fast, have a job to keep up with him!

[society]

haha! brilliant!