When friends is not quite enough

[Supernick]

I've got a friend that I've known about 2 years but we go through phases of not really spending that much time together,and might not contact each other for a month ago. We slept together within the first couple of months of knowing each other but never again since although I think there is an obvious tension in the relationship. My problem is that even though we get on really well, I have no desire to go out with her becasue I don't find her that attractive, and I know we're so different that we'd annoy each other. What's weird is that I have an almost uncontrollable desire to sleep with her and it's really clouding our relationship. I've made it clear in the past and recently that there is never a chance of us going anywhere as a couple because I don't want to lead her on, but on occasion we'll get together and might end up kissing each other. I'll end up getting frustrated becasue it's not going further, and we end up arguing all the time. I can't see any way out of this other than not seeing each other again, because it's always going to be hanging over us. We do have mutual friends though so it would be hard to completely end things. Any ideas?

[georgit79]

So if you don't fancy her, how come you want to sleep with her? Don't geddit.

[jimmer]

i'm with george on this one. sounds like you fancy her to me.

[Supernick]

I suppose I must fancy her in a way, but I don't really find her that attractive - I can't explain it.

[I_Tried]

Supernick,

Sorry mate but gotta be blunt with you, you want the sex cos it's readily available but you don't want the committment with the sex, I reckon rather than using the young lady as your sem*n bucket, you should go and sleep with a one nighter or alternatively pay a prostitute, since you won't get committment there.hence no arguments after/before sex about having a relationship

Sorry if the advice sought by you isn't given, but guys like you need to realise most women don't just wanna open their legs for you at your command.

Maybe I have made enemies or fiends over this but am not out to offend or please, but I_Tried to speak my mind

[Supernick]

It's true - It does boil down to wanting to have sex with her but not wanting any commitment behind it, but it's not because I'm not looking for commitment in general - if anything I wish I could will myself into liking her enough to go out with her.

Plus she has said that she agrees she doesn't want a relationship (I don't know if this is true or not)but we should "see where our bodies take us". So she'll come onto me if we're out but then leave it at just a kiss, which is very frustrating to be kept on the brink all time, but also be under constant worry that I'm somehow leading her on.

[I_Tried]

Supernick,

Lol the woman has you under her thumb, I suggest you take my initial advice. Wow you women your good lmao go girl go teach him the art of committment.

Oops sorry if i lost myself there :P I_Tried not to lol

[Sasha13]

Hi Supernick - a bit of advice from someone who has been in exactly this situation (but from the point of view of your friend/f*ck buddy)

I_Tried - remember I said I'd had my heart broken in a previous relationship from the "Reasons it's good to be single thread" - This was it!

Cutting a (very) long story short(ish)...

I knew someone who was the brother of a friend. We got involved 2 years ago and slept together, then entered a relationship, which he quickly finished which destroyed me as I had fallen in love with him (he didn't know this). Every time we saw each other after that, we would at least kiss, if not more. We got involved for a second time this year (stupid I know, but I fell for the "I made a mistake, I won't do it again bolxocks" He subsequently finished it with me again, (no suprise) and met someone else. I saw him again a couple of months ago (he works away so thankfully I don't bump into him too much) We ended up doing a lot more than just kissing even though he's with this new woman. It's like we know there's no chance of a relationship working out - we just can't resist ending up getting physical everytime we see each other.  

But here's the thing. While he could obviously take or leave the sexual part of it, I realised that I couldn't and would always be secretly hoping that he'd call me one day saying "I've made a mistake, I've finally realised, I love you." When I finally realised this was what was happening, I came to the conclusion that I will never ever see him again - which is a shame, because deep down he's a nice bloke and in other circumstances, we could have been friends.

[Sasha13]

.../cont

In the meantime, I'm left thinking that any person I get involved with in the future will come a poor second best and that I'll never find someone who doesn't treat me like a b*stard (and also isn't so nice he bores me rigid).  As you may have picked up from this post, I'm also very cynical about the whole love thing!

Sorry to go on, but I thought it was relevant... My advice? be honest with her. This kind of relationship is fine, i.e. casual sex from time to time, BUT only if you are both on the same wavelength and she doesn't think anything else will ever come from it - which will be very hard to tell just from talking to her, as she may deny harbouring these thoughts anyway - as you mentioned. At the end of the day - are you just sleeping with her because you can? And if you are fine, but does she feel the same? I very much doubt it. Most women can have a one night stand and not bother about commitment, not many could carry on sustained contact like this without it occuring to them. Sorry to go on... Good Luck!

[I_Tried]

Sasha,

We need to chat off line is there any way xx

[Sasha13]

I_Tried: trying to figure a way out... have started another thread here so as not to hijack this one whilst I think about it!