My boss told me that I need to start taking my job a bit more seriously.
I was so shocked I nearly wet my clown costume!.
This morning at work my boss told me to "have a great day"
So I'm going to the pub.
As I was sat at my desk earlier, my boss crept in and sat in the corner.
"Don't mind me" he said. "Pretend I'm not here!"
So I cracked open a can of lager, phoned my mate in Australia, then had a game of poker online!
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment."