Here's A Few More

[Rondy]

I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
"It's May," he said.
I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
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"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella!
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I don't do Scandinavian jokes…
There's Norway I'd stoop Oslo as that!
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I phoned the local paper to put a classified ad in.
"How much is an advert?" I asked.
"£1.50 per inch," they said.
I said, "Forget it, I'm selling a thirty foot ladder!"
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I met Paul McCartney on the Isle of Wight ferry this morning, I asked if he had a ticket to Ryde.
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I was playing a trumpet outside Asda earlier when an elderly lady approached me and said, "That's excellent, especially with no music sheet, do you always play by ear ?"
"No," I said, "I'll be outside Tesco tomorrow."
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I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop later.
Their fielders and bowlers aren't that good but their batter is brilliant.
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