access problems with ex

[lucyshandbag]

i have a 6 year old daughter and have never denied her father access in the 5 years that we have been seperated. he has her over night for 1night in the week, and another night every fortnight, and she goes for tea one night. this has always been fine, it has suited him and if he has ever wanted to see her more in the week i have always allowed it. now i have started seeing someone else he has got really awkward with me and is threatening to take me to court for more access as he wants to have her 3 nights overnight a week and have her still go there for tea once a week. i don't want to do this as our arrangements have suited so far and it would mean i only get one full night a week with her. i have suggested he has her one extra night a week, instead of fortnightly but he won't agree, so i suggested we go to a family mediator to sort this out but as i said, he is being awkward to hurt me and says he's just going to take me to court instead. what will happen if it does go to court? will i be forced to do what he is asking?

[tiny e.a]

I don't really know the laws but I can't imagine that a court would just accept all your husbands demands and ignore your views. They would have to consider what is best for your daughter and would certainly take what you say into as much consideration as what you ex says. If your ex is making unreasonable or unrealistic demands the court won't grant him anything more than what he already has.

I know you hear some horror stories about decisions made by courts regarding parenting but in my experience (my boyfriend has custody of his son and has been to court regarding access for the mother) the courts have been quire fair so far, always taking into account my boyfriends concerns for his son because he is the main carer.

You could go to the citizen advice bureau and see if they can advise you on the legal implications. Hope it gets sorted, perhaps your ex will tire of behaving like a kn0b!

[xhxmxsx]

your x is doing this as he feels threatened by the new man in your daughters life, your x will think that as there may be a man around in the future he wont be her main role model etc

reassure him that however your reltionships go your daughter may end up with a step dad at some point and he has to accept that, explain that no one will replace him etc and i'm sure he will be fine


why dont you try and do weekend access so he has her 2 weekends a month and can see her in the week but not have her overnight

[kittywoo]

dont worry i had similar problems with my ex.. when my new partner moved in he became a total idiot! he just felt threatened! he said the same ill take u to court etrc... so i just said go on then! he didnt it costs a fortune! added to this he now gets on quiet well with the partner now its been a year now so hes calmed down! and if he did take you to court he wouldnt have a hope in hell as 1) you have always been more than fair over access. 2) people move on and form new relationships and no judge would ever deny you happiness as long as your daughter is happy ith the situaton

but please be aware he may play mind games with the child with regards to the new love of your life. so keep an eye out i know not everyone is like this but it happened to me so just a warning!

take care and i hope you can sort it out without the courts help good luck!

[Le Chat]

Lucy, you sound like a totally great Mum and understanding person...whereas your ex is a d**k. (no wonder he's your ex)
Tell him that the situation at present is what's best for your child and if he has to take it to court then he'll just have to. You could also voice your concern that at court, he may actually end up seeing her for less time than he does now....and that would be a shame.
Good luck.