am i right or wrong

[smurfy83]

hi,i have a very close relationship with my mate we have been friends for 7 years out of that i help him dj ,yes im female ,theres a pub in aour town where all the footy lads go, as i have facial scars i put up with a lot of name calling but i let go over my head but this pub is so bad they poke my face trip me up ect,well thing last year we walked out it was too much,however he got offered to do a gig saturday nite just gone and it really upset me,i told him how i felt thinking he would understand and his answer was well its money at the end of the day but he done the gig on his own which now i dont no if i was right to tell him if he had any feeling on how i felt he wouldnt have dont the gig bearing in mind he nips to my home everyday 4 advice im confused i really dont like he choose a gig over my feelings ,well overall he said money comes first ,he been dj-ing for 35 years thats how i got helpng him out as he cant stand for long, i just dont no i feel so hurt that he done the gig and didnt take my feeling into considertion,he jnows them footie lads have caused me to fit throught stress please can any-1 tell if im wrong or wrong, that i told him please dont take the gig-thanks

[ummmm]

At the end of the day it is his job. You can't expect someone to not go to work because your feelings were hurt. You can expect him to sympathize though and understand your feelings.

[smurfy83]

thanks for your answer, i understand that and never have told him where to work or not to work,i should explain he dont play the music i do he just sits at the bar and it was an 8 hour job on the orther hand he tells me what best for me like oh dont go in to that pub this and that,thats y i i feel he was not considering my feelings he never says anything about understanding how feel just the money any how thanks 4 ur reply.

[bantingm]

i agree, i dont think he should have to choose between the two, you should compramise that its his job and therefore his living, and he should realise that it is going to hurt your feelings becasue of the past, but he cant help who goes to the pub.

If you guys were married then i would understand your side a bit more, but he has a job to do at the end of the day...sometimes lifes just too short to stress out over stuff like this.

[ummmm]

So you're the DJ really?

Are you in it together then?

[smurfy83]

yes im the dj i play the music its his kit he took me on 4 years ago he pays me say 40 quid out ot 170 i dont mind ,he 63 and im 40 we dont have partners,he tells me that i bring in the people at the other pubs, i get on with every body and the landladies/lords i have no probs, just that 1 pub,so maybe i just felt he shouldnt have done the gig,he well he cant work without me but i enjoy dj-ing i do have alot of friends thats not the issue,i dont have a complex,

[smurfy83]

apart from everything else i see him at least 3 times aday ,i do care for him i just dont no if he uses me for the job now.

[Velvetee]

All I can say, is what kind of people would bully you because you have facial scarring. That is just too shocking, these people should be darn well prosecuted.

[jaydj]

only �40??....I would ask for a pay rise!!

[smurfy83]

i would like to say ty 2 all replyed,yes i will ask for a pay rise if i decide to work for him again, ur right about people who judge me for facial scarring,ive had them since i was ten month old ,i will b 40 on weds cant wait p.s ty all once again.

[Velvetee]

Well congrats in advance Smurfy. I was 40 yesterday, but unlike you really wasn't looking forwards to it.

[muppeteer]

Hi Smurfy. I understand (a bit) as I also have scars. People can be nasty, but you really should not let them make you feel you cant go in a certain pub. Your friend should also not be stopped going to places because of these ignorant people. One thing I've learned is that in this life, we are limited to 2 things. ourselves and Factors ourside our control like genetics& unforseen circumstances. But mostly by ourselves. I know this was not your question, but you should hold your head high & go back in that pub. It could have happened anywhere. It may never happen again, but if it does you need to remember that its their problem that they cant act like adults & not yours. NEVER let people grind you down or make you think you are any less than you are. As to your friend, I would not be too offended/hurt. All you can do is ask him not to take a gig- you cant force him. If you want to be a friend, respect what he wants also (although he did it anyway, he did stay away from the pub for ages after all) & dont hold it agains him. Life is too short- Live it.