How Can I Get Closure. And

[lover454]

How would you interpret what my mom (age 88) said, given the fact she always has to be snide with me (age 59). Keep in mind this is the same mother who twice (a year ago and a few years ago) said to me that I was overdressed for an interview.

Today I drove her to do some chores and I said to her 'Are you really putting down my clothes' and in a sarcastic way she said 'Yes I am'. Any way I dropped it and when we finished part of the chores she had one more chore to do so as I was driving her to that chore I decided to ask her again about my clothes and she replied "I would never even tell you if I liked something you were wearing because if I didn’t say I liked what you were wearing the next day you would get upset”. So I teased her about that answer
At the next chore after she finished she said to me in the car after I pestered her a little more "There are some days one looks better than others”, which got me upset and I asked her to clarify and she said "The hair can look better some days than others, one has no make up on”. We said a few other things which made her say "I would never tell you when you look great” (THIS WAS THE LINE THAT GOT ME REALLY ANGRY BECAUSE TO ME THIS IS IMPLYING I DON’T LOOK GOOD UNLESS SHE THINKS SO.
We had some fight at home and we are still not speaking. She got really nasty about how I look, telling me all kinds of nasty things. How would you interpret her "look great” remark


Two days ago when my mom and I were fighting she said "You used to dress nice, they were expensive". She claimed later on that day she only said it to get rid of me, but she wont admit that now.

She also tells me she doesnt have to say what I tell her to say. I said to her today "All you have to do is say 'I only said you used to dress nicely because I wanted to get rid of you, and when I said great I just meant that if I liked something and complimented you that day and not the next you would get mad". She said "I dont have to say what you tell me to say"

[baza]

take a deep breath and relax.

[pixie373]

I think you're being very over-sensitive to what she thinks of your appearance, for some reason. I'm not sure why you keep asking her about it and get upset when she answers. Agree to disagree and ring her tomorrow.

[maggiebee]

Bit of a storm in a teacup IMO. You're both adults and seem to be trading insults like small children. As pixie said, agree to disagree and get on with life.

[Baldric]

Closure is normally something you look for after a bereavement or other serious psychological problem, not a disagreement over your dress sense, or lack of it!

[Mamyalynne]

No disrespect meant, but you are 59 - get ready in the morning and if you are happy with how you look then that is all that matters.

We cannot live our lives expecting approbation from others, let it go.

[lcg]

what you are saying makes very little sense to me at all. you are 59.....not 5! why are you letting this wind you up? if you do not like your mother, then don't see her. it really is that simple. you both sound like a couple of toddlers.

[SeaJayPea]

She's your mother, for heaven's sake. And she's 88 years old. At her age she's entitled to be a bit crochety. Just don't rise to it.

Deep breaths.

[Old_Geezer]

I think you are reading too much into things. And one's mind may not stay sharp in older age so one needs to make allowances and not take things too seriously.

If you keep on at her she will react. It's like you're picking at a scab and wondering why it's never healed.

Learn to ignore. Isn't easy but I suspect it is your only decent option.

[Brinjal]

As everyone has already stated. At your age what do you care what your mother thinks of your appearance. I would never ask anyone if I looked good or ok. If I think I look nice that is all the matters. You must stop looking for her approval. If you didn't get it while you were young you wont get it now. Just do what you have to do for her and don't let her opinion or ingratitude get you down. You sound like you are a good daughter don't let her upset you.

[jennyjoan]

Lover454 - please give your mother the benefit of the doubt as she is nearing 90 years old. Of course your style would never have pleased her through the years ever as there would have been 30 years fashion difference. I think the problem doesn't really lie with the fashionistas but with class of personalities. JJCon

[jennyjoan]

sorry ^^^^^ clash of personalities

[anneasquith]

she's 88,,,,,agree with anything she says .

[Psybbo]

BUT, I know how you feel, I think it's all about control, good luck xx

[Lindylou]

Bite your tongue. Fume silently. She'll be gone soon enough and then you'll remember all the good bits and feel everso guilty about all the bad bits. We'll all be old soon enough. Unless we die young. At least I'm too old to die young!