Christmas Cracker Jokes!

[Voltage]

lets have your worst xmas cracker jokes !
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas Eve"

[mazie]

What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker

[Voltage]

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

[mazie]

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A barberqueue

[mazie]

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick

[mazie]

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can 'ho ho ho'!

[Voltage]

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
No Brussels.

[Voltage]

lol mazie i cant keep up with you x

[emmie]

two men in a pub
one says to the other
your round
the other says
so are you you fat bstard.

[marval]

Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

[emmie]

Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
-
A. They can’t stand fast food.

[emmie]

How many gorillas can fit into a car?

Eight.
How many chickens can fit into the car?
None, the car is already full of gorillas.

[MargoTester]

Tampax have introduced a new tampon with tinsel instead of string - it's for the Christmas period only

[marval]

What is a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing

[Hopkirk]

Margo!

[marval]

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

[Voltage]

Why does Santa’s sack bulge in every picture?

He only comes once a year.

[Voltage]

What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even

[Voltage]

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-is-Presley

[marval]

What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game Of Thrones

[Khandro]

How do you start a teddy bear race?

Ready - teddy - Go!