Mad Over Fifties Club

[queenofmean]

Good Evening and welcome to MOFC here at Queenies Quay. We had to relocate from Nungate Towers in the spring. The Moat Flooded and the Towers were deemed unsafe.

Staff remains relatively unchanged, however Igor refused to leave the towers and I believe he remains there. We still have Chubb master of the keys, Greengrass the Gardner (last seen tending to the giant Maze), Scoff still works in the kitchen he married Soo (said she was a Sous Chef at some high flying place, didn’t ask too many questions);Dyson the cleaner and everyone else. Igors replacement is the chainless Rahul his ‘eengleesh’ needs improvement so if you feel you can help feel free. Sir Cumference the resident ghost is about - last seen pretending to be a coat hanger in the Cloakroom.

Anyway...we have here at QQ a giant Maze, Rose Garden, Race Track, a massive beach looking over the Firth into the Northern Night, we have a smaller lake with pedalos should you wish to not take the Jet Skis out into the open water. Life Jackets MUST be worn. We are setting up a Bungee once we get the tower finished and can locate better elastic.

Feel free to roam around the premises, we have the dining room straight ahead past the central staircase - where you will find a massive Chinese Banquet and the usual Volly Vents and Horses Doovers. Pudding Trolley is petit fours. Off the dining room we have the great hall, where the ‘Tone Deafs’ and the Minstrels took up immediate residency - they will be playing their own versions of popular 70’s and 80’s hits they may do requests.

We have the usual vestibule (under stairs) we have a games room, library, cinema room (currently showing Episodes of Hawaii 5-0), we have a gym with a pool (heated) and sauna and there is a ballroom should anyone wish to partake in bit of dancing.
Tailcock this evening is the Mermaids Tail - not sure if there’s an actual tail but be cautious- a light brew made with local Gin.

Rofl will be held which I have donated
1 Dan Brown book, read good, broken spine
One Sock Pink clean
Listerine mouthwash opened, unused

Hope you have a great evening, Carriages at midnight

[murraymints]

TONE !! TONE !! ah've missed ya goat boy..you haven't brought them have you ? ..smelly things and that hair made a mess of your nice purple velvet loons last time we were in the barn.... good job you took 'em off.....slurp...here ya dancin' ?

[queenofmean]

Did you collect the goats Tony?

I’ll have a word with the security team Spathi.

Jakep - that battery looks promising my photo cube needs a new one!

We do have a tea strainer if you want to ensure there is no scales Tony.

[tonyav]

Yeah, got them in the trailer outside, Queenie.

Are ya askin, minty.

[queenofmean]

Thank goodness, they wouldn’t come with me so I had to leave them with Igor.

Igors minion Frank...failed minion school, we don’t know where he went.

[murraymints]

Jake can hold the buckets...well maybe after a few more sups.... ah ta Ra Ra..my old sparkly..will it still fit me...you know me an' Big Bertha aren't as big these days, 6 months in the slammer after we got caught fleeing from the Foreign Legion... basic rations..had to do lots of "favours" just to get a decent pie an' chips...Bertha's quite sylph like ...well she still cannae beat me at the arm wrestling.... might get the Tag team going again..heard the Liverpool Empire is doing the mud wrestling again...the roar of the crowd..the smell of the Buckfast.....happy times ..slurp..hic..

[queenofmean]

It’s a wee bit cold for mud wrestling is it not Minty?

[tonyav]

The 'Empire' has been in touch with me asking if I'd referee a mud wrestling match between two skinny birds.

I'm sure it was Frank I saw on my way over here, he was in the back of a Black Mariah handcuffed to a rozzer and his pal Sid.

[murraymints]

nah...they actually tip a good few pints of hot chocolate in..sshhh dinnae tell..... nowt like a good squelch..that right goat boy ? wink wink..slurp....Ra Ra nuvver bucket please..bring it to the music room..can hear them..bye bye baby baby goodbye..ah..anyone got a tartan scarf ? ...here take these shoes will you chubb..keep 'em by the door...slurp...

[queenofmean]

I always knew he would get into bother..I think Igor did too.

Is everyone ok for Food? Drinks? Life Jackets?

[tonyav]

Chuck me a life jacket, queenie. I'm of to the music room to trip the light fantastic with minty.

[queenofmean]

You going on a Jet Ski tony? Brave brave man!

[murraymints]

you say ossifers ? no' them ossifers....they're a bit rough wi' the cuffs....might not recognise me...not now I'm a bit thinner an' the purple hair has gone.... still £50 on my head though..damned cheek.. I told the judge it was that Gness wummin's fault... she said the bank door just needed a bit of a shove..and that digger was handy...an ossifer will be out of intensive care any day now...an' she was driving ..no' me !! where is she anyhow ? not here yet ?

[Togo]

I did intend doing a spot of fishing this evening. Did you move the specimen Carp from the effluent contaminated moat as promised? If so is it safe to say that they will be in the smaller lake or in the now overgrown clay pit? The sauna is another option I suppose but the smell of boiled fish is not to everyone's liking. I wonder if it would be in order to bring my valet Blott(Landscape Gardener by profession) as I find it difficult to do up my flies(for fishing) in the dark nowadays. The bran tub lucky dip would be much improved on previous years with the remains of my Christmas slipper(delicious with very hot mustard) and the foaming bath salts which were an unwanted gift from the Porton Down staff party that I am forced to attend annually.

[queenofmean]

This is an ossifer free area Minty you are quite safe here.

Togo...all fishes including the Pirahanas have been moved to the lake, we can put up lights for you if that would make it easier.

[tonyav]

Mmmmm think I'll have a go on the jet ski when I've slurped a few more buckets of that tailcock.
I have heard that gness ( she swears it was you, minty ) has gone underground since the rozzers started to take a keen interest in her.

[queenofmean]

It’s quite good this Tailcock, and no scales!

[Togo]

Marvelous. I do hope that they will not be those strobe lights that you appear to be fascinated with. I move slowly enough as is and would rather not finish what I am doing before I have started it.

[murraymints]

slurp..hic..wisnae me ! ... here have you any chopsticks for the banquet Queenie...them there prawns look nice....

[tonyav]

no scales!

Wot, I have a bit of lead that I come by to weigh

Queenie, the East wing roof seems to be leaking for some unknown reason !

[queenofmean]

I was thinking fairy lights Togo, not too harsh.

passes Minty Chopsticks there you go Minty

I’ll get on it Tony...we don’t use that wing yet