Sex with an older boy

[888sally888]

Have put this question in Parenting too, but want to try here too - hope thats ok.

My daughter who is 14 has a friend the same age. They have been friends since they were 3 and she is a lovely girl. The friend met a boy/man on the internet and got to know him through this as he lives miles away. Anyway they met and told her mother that he was 16 and the mother left them for the evening alone. In a nutshell she had consenting full sex with him and he IS ACTUALLY 19. The girl knew this. My dillema is - do I say nothing, do I anonomusly tell the school or her parents. She doesnt regret what she did (so far) but I am am shocked and very upset as I have always been close to her. Please help!

[B00]

Hi

I'd tell her parents ASAP, I'm sure you'd want them to tell you if the positions were reversed?

What on earth does a 19 year old lad want with a 14 year old girl? It's not even worth contemplating! And I'm also stunned that her parents left them alone in the house............

[wonderwoman1]

i'm with B00 there...what on earth were they thinking????

[Pea Pod]

By law whether consenting or not he has commited a criminal offence.(sex with a minor)

[devilwoman]

sorry, i have answered your other post, but i thought you said she was sixteen, as she is only 14 i would go to the police, still gobsmacked with her mum though.

[raysparx1]

Did he know how old the girl was? if he did then he is Paedo,and young girls need protecting from him,you must tell the parents.

[888sally888]

I know that they should know but I dont want to break the friendship my daughter has with her friend.

Thats why I thought if I told the school headmistress she could inform her parents.

Dont worry - I totally agree they should know.

[raysparx1]

Understandable sally, I would probably do the same as you are thinking of, somebody must be told, I don't like the sound of him.Good luck,don't envy you. Ray

[888sally888]

I am dreading it but hpopefully can talk in confidence. Lots of the girls at school know so it wont be traced to my daughter.

I am going to action it tomorrow - and your all right - if it was my daughter I would want to know.

Another problem is that her parents are divorced and dont get on. This event happened at the mothers house and I know that dad - he will go MAD. But I cannot leave this matter.

[cliffsweb]

surely the mother knew, you said yourself, that she left them alone all evening, ???

[888sally888]

God knows - not something I would even consider whatever.

[Captain Swab]

Yeah, what's happened is against the law and needs to be made known to her parents. She(the girl) may not like this at all but she is still a child and should not be getting into such dilemmas. I only hope she used protection.

[~Jenna~]

Why not speak to the school and see of they will speak to the parents so there isn't any comeback on you and you can keep the confidence with the friend and hopefully be able to keep an eye on what she is doing.

The school should have an interest especially if he preys on young girls and could effectively have been grooming her on the internet and goodness knows how many other girls he has been doing this with.

If they are unwilling then I'd say you need to speak to the parents.

It's not the just sex itself which is bad enough, what if they're weren't taking precautions and she could end up pregnant or with an std. If your confidence is kept then maybe you could go through this with her and be there if she needs to get checked out at all.

In the circumstances I'd be tempted to speak to the police if he could be grooming young girls.

[mrrobbo15]

just on the same sort of topic.....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6163500.stm

[whiffey]

There are two extremes here. One of a 19yo (or older?) man preying on someone he knew to be underage. The other is of a normal youth, maybe shy, chatting to a sexually and emotionally precocious girl who represented herself as a lot older. One is a crime, as is the other - at least technically - but POLES apart.

I would be hard-stretched to call either a Paedo.

[hammerman]

personally....i'd keep well out of it. Far too many people, including yourself and daughter will get hurt.

It might be worth having a word with the girl and tell her to break it off otherwise you will go to the police.

Just my humble opinion

[888sally888]

Believe me she looks and acts 14. I am speaking to the school tomorrow and will keep you all posted.

Thanks for all the advice - it all confirms what I thought in my heart of hearts.

I really appreciate it.