Caught up in such a tangle! Help :(

[nadcookie]

I finished with my on-off boyfriend of three years 4 months ago, I love him but he was not the person he was before and knew it was time to call it a day. Coming up to christmas it is the first one in three years without him and the closer it gets the more i seem to be thinking about him(But I could never get back with him).

I then went on holidays a few weeks later and met a lovely man who made me feel something I had never felt for anyone else besides my ex. As he lives in a different country I went back three times, (first time-2 weeks, Second time-1 week, Third time-1 week... but i also stayed with him the third time).
He never changed and always tried his hardest to please me and for the first time in a long time I was truely happy when I was with him. But knowing the next few months coming up are too important to leave again... I know it is too much to ask of myself and him so we stopped seeing eachother.(Theres also real complications as to why he can not come here at the moment which are completly understandable)

I then recently began dating someone I have known for many years, I always had a 'thing' for him but never thought it would develop until recently. He is one of the most genuine, lovely, sweetest lads and Im afraid my feelings for the other man will affect us and have the same affect as what happened when me and my ex of 3 years would stop seeing eachother for a while and I would date others... It would turn me off them completely because they were not my ex. I do not want to hurt this new guy and I like him too much to want the same affect to happen. Im taking it very slowly to ensure it cannot happen but my head can get so mixed sometimes my feelings change sometimes.

I did take some time after all of the different situations.. and I dont want to just stop dating the new guy because I do truely like him. But...What do people think I should do?Any Help would be great :)Thanks.

Nadz x

[jno]

all this happened over four months? After three years with the first boyfriend? That's probably not long enough to get your emotions straight. In fact it certainly isn't, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this. Time is a great healaer; you need time to sit back, think, feel, consider what you want and how much each of these guys provided it for you - and also the things they may not be providing for you.

Best thing, I imagine, would be to tell the new guy the truth: you've recently had other relationships, you are still getting over them; you like him but you feel you mustn't rush. If he's genuine he will wait - nobody would push a relationship too hard if he knew it was hurting the other person.

In particular, regular routine things, like Christmas, will always bring back memories of the way you spent previous ones. So I wouldn't be making any big decisions until you've got that out of the way at the very least.

[nadcookie]

Hey jno, Thanks for the advice.

I know its not much time, But it all just came one after the other and before i knew it I was tangled.

I already have said to the new guy that I am only recently out of a relationship and have no intentions of rushing into another one and he, as I thought he wouldn, completely understood and said to me he wouldn't expect anyone to rush into another relationship when they are just out of one but 'hopes that nothing bad happens to what we are.. Whatever that is lol'.

Thanks again x

[CAJ1]

I totally agree with jno.

You need to be single for a while, find yourself and work out what it is you want in a guy, you need time to heal and get over the previos relationships. Although you may be taking things slow in this new relationship you are still with someone and not getting the oportunity to be by yourself. I would speak to the guy and say you need time to yourself for a little while and as jno says if he is worth it then he will wait.

I find xmas hard, I don't have any family but there are two ways of looking at it - being grateful for the things you do have and the people who are currently in your life or dwelling on the past and feeling sorry for yourself. The way you mentally approach life can change everything which is why you need to take time to deal with your feelings

[nadcookie]

Thanks CAJ1

See its hard, because I know if I am just to myself my mind races and to be honest im not with this lad.. Just dating and have no intentions of forming another relationship for a long time... But I guess thats still not alone time either is it?..

Nadz x