Call it a day?

[jem_bob]

Been with my boyfriend for just under 4 years. We bought a place in February this year, and I really saw us having a future together. I had a big operation on my jaw and he wasn't there for me, didn't come to the hospital or come and see me when I came home (was staying at my parent's house then). Since then it's gone from bad to worse. I can't rely on him, we don't share money and he will only do me a favour if he thinks I will do something in return e.g he'll do the cooking as long as I wash up or he'll make me a drink as long as I do it next time. He can never just do something because he loves me. I wear braces on my teeth as a result of the jaw operation and we don't have a physical relationship at all. He told me last night that he needs to be drunk before he kisses me because he can't stand my braces. Bearing in mind, they've been on for almost 2 years and are coming off next month, this has all come on quite suddenly over the past few months. He says he doesn't love me in a physical way anymore, more like a friend. We're like a couple of roomates sharing our flat and that's not where I want to be. I'm thinking of calling it a day, but after 4 years together our relationship has become a habit I don't think I could live without. Plus the stress of selling our flat, moving back home and splitting all of our possessions. It's such a mess.

[stonekicker]

he sounds like a complete Snag. dump him - you deserve and will find better. what a selfish, immature git! love and hugs to you x

[ummmm]

Well he has been honest and told you he doesn't look at you like that anymore. At least he's not wasting more of your time than he already has.

If you stick with him while he feels like that what's going to happen when someone comes along that he is sexually attracted to?

I think it's time to call it a day personally. Selling your flat and moving is only a few months of your life. Are you prepared to wait years just to get out of a few months hassle?

Good luck xx

[CAJ1]

It was very insensitive of him to say those things to you, its not good that you can't rely on him and he only does things when he thinks he'll get something in return. In fact, he's not treating you with love at all!

However, it is easy to get stuck in a rut in a relationship and find yourselves living together with no romance and busy lifestyles can take over. If you feel you have a future and want to be with him, explain how you feel and see if you can work through it and tell him to cut out telling you that he is unattracted to your braces and he needs to do more. On the other hand it sounds like you maybe want out and you can't use the excuse of not wanting to sell up and the mess of it to keep you in a relationship with someone you feel doesn't pull their weight. You have to weigh up the pros and cons and decide yourself

[jem_bob]

Thanks for your advice guys, and the love and hugs! I know it's only a few months hassel but I dearly love my flat. We worked so hard for it and I really don't want to move back in with my parents, it would be years before I can afford to move out on my own. If I'm honest, I think this is the only reason we've held it together for the past few months. If I could just buy him out, then I could manage but it would be a struggle. Oh, it's such a mess. I've forgotten what life was like before him, I was only 18 and so much has changed since then. I don't know if I would cope. He's been such a huge part of my life for so long. But you're right, he is incredibly selfish and immature.

[zbearspirit]

Hi Jem In my opinion you owe it to yourself to firstly identify what the key issues are and have a 'heart to heart with him'. It's not a crime for one party to fall out of love with the other. But I think you owe it to yourselves for the time you've had and the love you shared to be honest with each other. If he tells you that he no longer loves you it will hurt, but you should be able to move on. I am a great believer in fate and if you both decide to split if you loved him it will hurt, but there could be someone out there who could be your soul mate and he is looking for you.

[Androcles]

Jem, Sounds to me like you already know the answer and just need the courage to do it. It'll be hard, but there is no use flogging a dead horse. Take a deep breath and go for it. You'll feel a lot better and it makes you available for some good guy who will really care.........

[jem_bob]

Thanks guys, that's really good advice and I appreciate your kind words. To add insult to injury, we were supposed to be going out for my birthday on Saturday night (it was a few weeks ago, but we couldn't go until now) and he's told me that he's going away on a lads weekend. He'd totally forgotten and made no efforts to cancel his weekend away. I'm expected to wait and go next weekend or whenever he can fit me in. He is unbelievable. My parents have said that if it comes to it, they will have a chat and will try and help me buy him out if that's what will make me happy. So I don't have to worry so much about that. You're right though, it's just the fact that it will be hard and feel strange for a while. I do wonder who else might be out there who might be better suited to me. I'm a great beliver in fate too!

[4getmenot]

why whenever he can fit you in? Plan a girly night and have a belated birthday celebration with them. You are still looking at doing everything as a couple. Split and remain freinds but stop putting things off for him.

[bednobs]

i thought you hated your flat? just from having read things from you before, i would have though you would have jumped at the chance to move away from it?

[jem_bob]

I love my flat, I'm just not so keen on the area that it's in, but things are improving now since the police raid. The neighbours have been clamped down on by the housing association and one of them has even apologised to me for his behaviour. And I can't go out with my friends, as they're all still away at uni. The only one who has finished has gone away with her parents. Seem to have found myself in a real rut with some very difficult decisions to make.

[CAJ1]

What about keeping the flat on and trying to get a flat mate to help you with the bills?

[homedeeth]

get rid of him. I'm a bloke and if if was my mate i'd be flabberghasted at his behaviour and give him a slap. He's never going to change and how can you have a future if he's told you he kiss you without being drunk?