Am angry with sister-am I right?

[tingly]

My 84 year old mother recently had a small fall and is suffering from bruised ribs and a broken toe.
She did this last wednesday morning by stumbling in her bedroom.
I am my mums main carer ( I live 5 miles away) and stayed the night with her the first night it happened as she was shook up, and i visit everyday anyway, but have been at her house all day every day the last week to take care of her- doctors, washing , ironing, shopping, gardening, bathing etc.
I needed today 'off' as it were, as I had to catch up with a number of things . My sister said she would visit for an hour or so- and she took her husband.She knows my mum is on strong painkillers, but took a bottle of champagne with her and all 3 sat in the garden and drank this-unbeknown to me.
I rang my mum to check on her at about 3 oclock today, and it was clear something was wrong as she sounded funny.. I rang my sister to ask if she had seen my mum take too many tablets/have a drink and she said 'no'
My mum then rang me at 6 to tell me my sister had bought the champagne in question

I am really angry- a. because my sister lied to me. b. because i do all the mundane jobs, pay for my mums house and all her bills, take her to hospital when necessary ( my sister doesnt 'do' hospitals she says)-- and then my sister gives my mum drink after she has had a fall.

I could honestly cry--i try and get my mum better then she gives her drink. My mum of course loved it-but then she would cos she's on tablets and is now out of it.

am i being uneccessarily harsh. I'm really fed up.

[China Doll]

Unnecessarily harsh. You mother is old and incapacitated but not dead! At this age she deserves whatever little pleasure she gets regardless of cirucmstance. (Hell, even a palliative care patient can be administer a little drinkie from the ward). You just have to spell out that if she hurts herself on her sisters watch then it's up to her to sort it. Leave your mum to enjoy the simple things.

[joeluke]

Your sister is taking the p1$$ out of you.......you do everything for your mother and all she can do is sit on her ar$e plying her with alcohol

You need to get in touch with your idle sister and tell her she's out of order

[4getmenot]

Unless she held your mum down and poured it down her throat then it was your mums choice. My nan is in her 90's (I think) and when we visited her in her home on her birthday she asked us to smuggle her in a shandy to drink on her bday. So we did.

[Davethedog]

I obviously don't know the entire situation but:

1) Why does your sister feel she had to lie to you.

2) I take it you are much richer thatn your sister

3) You feel you have to run your Mums life.

4) Did the pain killers say not to be taken with alchol.

5) Your sister is your Mums child.

6) Did your mum have a nice time - Sat in the garden with her daughter and the her husband whom she took, how unusual I take it you don't approve.

You soumd like a control freak who didn't get her way.

[Bbbananas]

I absolutely agree with China. She's 84 - let her have some fun. I can understand why you're angry, but....

[4getmenot]

and as you said 'she loved it' I'm sure your mum appreciates evrything you do for her but there are not many things in an 84 year olds life to love. It may even pee your sister off if you dont get angry about it, she may have done it to annoy you, so just have a joke about it with her. Dont get angry x

[joeluke]

84 year old woman who has just suffered a fall - mixing pain killers with alcohol - common sense???

[jackthehat]

That's a litle harsh, Dave.
I read it more that tingly (being her Mum's main carer) gets to shoulder the boring, mundane, thankless day-to-day stuff..................whilst the sister swans in a la Lady Bountiful dispensing glasses of Champagne; and ignores whatever tingly has had to say about Mum's condition.

tingly's issue is with the sister, not their Mum.

How much does your sister do for your Mum generally, tingly ?

[Bbbananas]

Next time they go and sit in the garden drinking champagne and having a giggle - ask to join them!!!

[Bbbananas]

.... Just tell your sister that on her head be it.

[4getmenot]

joe no one forced her. And she is ok, would just have made her a little bit more drunk. Its over and done with I agree that tingly has deeper issues with her sister

[ethandron]

without wishing to rub it in, perhaps you could do something similar with your mum. i know all the day to day stuff needs to be done, but sometimes a bit of fun is in order, particularly at 84. try not to be mad at your sister, but to appreciate that she made your mum happy for a little while.

[joeluke]

I think Tingly is perhaps p1$$ed off with her sister because she does all the graft and her sister comes along and takes all the glory

[4getmenot]

but at end of the day I'm sure her mum knows what she does for her.

[Bbbananas]

Answer is: make sure sister does more of the graft, and tingly to participate in more of the glory.

[carmalee]

maybe your sister felt she had to lie to you to avoid the fall out she knew she would get this sort of reaction from you. Putting aside the dangers of alcohol and medicines (if relelevant in this case) - why not be grateful your sister gave your Mum a nice afternoon and cheered her up. chill out a bit, you are obviously a great daughter and do a brilliant job but there's more to life than washing up and cleaning. Have a laugh with your Mum too.

[jackthehat]

The sister appears for an hour or so and then departs............leaving a tipsy and confused (due to the tablets) 84 year old with bruised ribs and a broken toe, to fend for herself; and doesn't have the courtesy to admit to the sister what has happened ?

I'd be chuffing furious............

[RATTER15]

Your Mother is certainly allowed to have a drink assuming she has full mental capacity, even with little mental capacity, she also has the right to make unwise choices and eccentric risks as long as she is made aware of those risks.

I think the problem here is your sister would have been a little more wise not to offer the drink in the first place. if your Mother wanted a drink, then your sister should have monitored the situation, if mother was a little tipsy then she should have stayed with her to ensure she is safe. By not telling you and lying to you, you could have had her rushed into hospital due to her mental confusion and caused embarrassment and wasted hospital time and diverted an ambulance unnecessarily.


I would say your sister has behaved grossly irresponsibly.

[tingly]

well, a mixed bag of answers indeed! Me and my mum do have fun-each weekend i take her wherever she fancies-pub/out/-whatever, its just that she specifically was not supposed to take pain killers with drink as they can cause fainting.
when anything has happened to my mum before, i always look after her day and night- in fact i am trying to get a granny annexe built on my house for her .
I dont want to control her- i just want her to live long and be happy.
I guess i'm a bit mad because last time she was in hospital, i went every day and night for 4 weeks, except for one day when i was poorly, but my sister wouldnt go and visit her because she said, she didnt 'do' hospitals-- and then she does something that might put her in hospital!
I am just frightened of the consequences. I am definetely not richer than my sister by the way, i had to give up my job five years ago to look after my mum-she needs almost daily care.

[Bbbananas]

Mmmm - a little more information. It was a bit irresponsible of your sister, and she does sound selfish to say the least.