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Mad over Fifties Club
141 Answers
The Club is now Open.
Good Evening and Welcome to all our members and to any other waifs and strays that care to grace our clubhouse.
It is a miserable night out, as the poet says:
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
But we shall be warm and cosy inside with our drinks and nibbles .
Any members wishing to volunteer to give tonight's talk should make themselves known.
Good Evening and Welcome to all our members and to any other waifs and strays that care to grace our clubhouse.
It is a miserable night out, as the poet says:
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
But we shall be warm and cosy inside with our drinks and nibbles .
Any members wishing to volunteer to give tonight's talk should make themselves known.
Answers
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Did no one hear me? I was doing a rather brilliant spoken word rendition of John Cage's 4'33". Oh well. I shall now recite Ogden Nash's "The Guppy":
Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens,
Bears have cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.
Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens,
Bears have cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.
May Marjorie and I take a moment out to thank ladyalex for taking the time and trouble, and effort to entertain us on a saturday evening by provoking our thoughts and stimulating our responses, may god bless you ladyalex, you are kind, thoughtful and a credit to society as a whole, you will be welcome to share our wine anytime, as we have shared your companionship. Prudentia and Marjorie xxx
hello everyone just arrived in time for the talk, beat my "getting to know your Bee" that one.I have a bottle of dried up tippex and some used notelets for the raffle and have made some cauliflower cheese but I had no cauliflower so have used cabbage instead. Whats the speciality tailcock tonight Matron, hope its something to warm the cockles
Did I hear someone say "encore"? OK, that was me, but still, who can get enough Ogden Nash?
Common Cold
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Common Cold
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Hello again...sorry dropped off for a moment.
Gosh drb how can we thank you for that rendition ?
Have you got your raffle tickets ?
Welcome lcg76. May we call you 76 ? Your plunger may come in handy soon.
Alexanderd...I knew someone would eventually notice that line. Glad you're comfortable. Too bad it ruins the scansion...
Gosh drb how can we thank you for that rendition ?
Have you got your raffle tickets ?
Welcome lcg76. May we call you 76 ? Your plunger may come in handy soon.
Alexanderd...I knew someone would eventually notice that line. Glad you're comfortable. Too bad it ruins the scansion...
I know I cannot compete with Drb, but I've had a hard week so what about this :
The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.
The grizzly bear, whose potent hug,
Was feared by all, is now a rug.
Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself.
The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.
The grizzly bear, whose potent hug,
Was feared by all, is now a rug.
Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself.
