Husband trouble.

[chinadog]

I've been married for almost 30 years with ups and downs like other couples. My hubby has always been a loving and good dad. 12 years ago he had a bad RTA not his fault. He got over the physical injuries but has suffered bad bouts of depression ever since. He took early retirement last year as he had a breakdown. He was given anti depressants and an anti psycotic (Sp). He was great for roughly a year still seeing the psyciatrist but for no reason stopped taking the anti psycotic and went back as he was. Over the months he's got worse even turning on me and our son. His gp just tells him to carry on taking the anti deps and upped the dose but they're not helping at all now. He shocked me last week saying he was going away for few days as both me and my son are the cause of his depression. I've done all I can to help him over the years I dont know what else to do. Our son is special needs and is taking it badly. Any advice mosr welcome. TIA.

[carmalee]

Sorry to hear of your problems seems a lot for you to take on without some sort of support - have you got family or neighbours to talk to -maybe a support group for relatives of those suffering from depression - your local library, doctors surgery or citizens advice bureau should have info. I'm certain some abers will come up with practical help.

[Old_Geezer]

Can you speak to the GP and explain the situation, say that it needs more than a simple increased dose ?

[chinadog]

Thank you both for your answers..Im lucky in that my neighbours who all know and think a lot of my hubby are supporting me,so is my daughter. She rang her dad last night and asked him to go back to the gp but he refused. He's staying with his mum for a few day,she does'nt believe in depression which does'nt help as she told him to stop taking his anti deps,I gave her hell last night over this. carmalee thanks for the tip about looking for a support group maybe for hubby as well? I dont mind saying, my nerves are in pieces. My son in law is a manager in a home for people with mental problems and thinks hubby should be sectioned for further assessment but I doubt if he'd go. I'll see my gp Old-Geezer and see what he thinks. Thanks so much both.

[carmalee]

just hope things get better for you chinadog xC

[Dee Sa]

I hope things work out for you, just hang on in there, depression as a horrible illness.I think I would book an appt with your/his Gp and pour your heart out as there is help out there and they are used to refusals by the patient.

[chinadog]

My hubby found a flat yesterday,packed some of his things and said he wants a divorce. He has also stopped taking his meds again saying he does'nt need them. My son was very upset so I've now made an appointment to see a solicitor to give hubby the divorce he wants. I cant help him anymore. Thanks anyway. chinadog.

[Old_Geezer]

I'd suggest Marriage Guidance, but I guess there may come a time when one thinks one can not cope any more. It's good to be there when a partner is in pain, but one also has to know where to draw the line and think about one's own well being too. Best of luck for the future, however it goes.

[Khandro]

I think (for what it's worth) you are doing the right thing, and I wish you happiness in your new future. As Rita said "This isn't a rehearsal for life, - this is it!".

[chinadog]

Thank you both. OG i thought of marriage guidance but he does'nt want to know. My neighbour was saying maybe he thinks the grass is greener on his own? My son was in a right state last night and as he's autistic Im worried so we're both seeing my gp on tuesday ( earliest appt i could get). Those words are so true Khandro. x

[tillyh345]

After reading your post chinadog I couldnt go without saying anything, not that I have anything constructive to say except I wish you and your son the very best. Please look after yourself and your son that has to be your priority at the moment. Its very difficult when someone you love will not accept any advise or help and are determined to do it their way I have had some experience of this, and it hurts but u must think of yourself, because u r only human and will only take so much before it will start affecting your health. A big hug to you and hope things improve. X

[chinadog]

Thank you tilly,that means a lot to me I cant stop crying now, I go into my room so my son wont see. I think its just hitting home that my hubby really is'nt coming back. We never had a bad marriage it was just his psycological state that spoilt things I supported him all the way even to the point where my nerves became bad but I keep telling myself I owe to my son and me to be strong. china. x

[barb1314]

China,I am so sorry to read what is going on. Seriously this could be my marriage being described. It's horrendous and I really feel for you. We spend most of the week not speaking but don't have children (thank goodness) This has been going on for 5 years now. I just wanted to say good luck to you and I hope you can find some happiness and your son is ok. xxx

[welshlibranr]

Very sad time for you and your boy china, I really feel for you both, but you have to look after yourself and your son now, and who knows, your hubby may well find that the grass is not greener on the other side at all!........I would let him be for now!....you've done all you can for now...........Take care.............x

[chinadog]

Thanks Barb and Welsh, I began bagging hubbys clothes,shoes etc last night. They can all go in the garage plus I've taken down all of his paintings which I bought for him over the years and they're now in the garage along with Cd's. Must admit I was bawling doing it. My son works for Scope charity and went in monda and today so thats good. china.

[carmalee]

chin up xC

[chinadog]

barb, Im sorry you're going through the same as me. Are you getting a divorce? Good luck. china.

[chinadog]

Chins more like carmalee. Thanks for your support x