Rate My Song Lyrics please!

[jeffgreggs]

Hi, I've written 3 songs, and was wondering if you'd let me know what you think! Be honest, thanks

1. I STILL LOVE YOU

You walked away, yesterday,
All alone, I am today
I let you in, I shared your soul
You broke my heart, you took your toll

PRE-CHORUS
You’re on my mind, all the time
I wish i could give you a sign...

CHORUS
That I still love you
I still love you
I should have told you every day,
I wish the pain would go away,
Cause I still love you...

I tried to call you on your phone,
I’m sick of being all alone,
I was complete, You were my life,
I wanted you to be my wife

PRE-CHORUS
CHORUS

It’s in the past, now you’ve moved on
There one day, next you’ve gone
You said some things, it meant nothing,
I’d just bought you a diamond ring,
taught a mockingbird to sing,
i took you under my wing

felt like a piece that didn’t fit,
you once told me that I had lit
up the candle of your heart
now i can’t escape the dark
you’re putting me through hell
all that’s left’s an empty shell

PRECHORUS
CHORUS x2
I still love you, I still love you,
Do you love me?, Do you love me?,
You don’t love me, You don’t love me,
You never loved me, You never loved me,
But I still love you, I still love you,
I still love you, I still love you,

2. FRIEND-ZONE

You asked me what was wrong
I’m gazing in your eyes
“I love you with my heart, my soul and mind”
Heart racing, butterflies

I’m falling deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
With you

I thought that you were made for me
I’d be with you until the end
With those few words you broke my heart
When you said “let’s just be friends”

I told you of my love for you
She takes my hands from her hips
You look down towards the floor
The smile faded from your lips

You’re speaking with a cold, blank stare
You walk away, and I’m alone
Your words stuck in my mind
Forever stuck in the friend-zone

I’m falling deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
With you

I thought that you were made for me
I’d be with you until the end
With those few words you broke my heart
When you said “let’s just be friends”

You were one of my best friends,
Our memories a distant thought,
I loved you with my heart, soul and mind,
The times we shared are all I’ve got,

You’re on my mind every day
And I still see you in my dreams
You may not be perfect, baby
But you’re perfect for me

I’m falling deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
Deeper in love,
With you
You’re on my mind every day
And I still see you in my dreams
You may not be perfect, baby
But you’re perfect for me

3. BALLAD OF THE BROKEN HEART
You were my soul
You were my life
You’re cutting me
Like a knife

I thought that I had seen the light
Holding on to you so tight
I wish that you’d come back to me
I was blind, but now I see

I wish that I had seen the signs
Before your hand slipped from mines
My heart is breaking everyday
Wishing my pain away

You said I meant
Nothing to you
But since you’ve gone
My heart’s in two

When you’re around, my nerves were shot
From the start your love I’ve sought
At the start I was so shy
Without your love I thought I’d die
When I asked you to be mine
I never thought I’d crossed the line

I thought that I had seen the light
Holding on to you so tight
I wish that you’d come back to me
I was blind, but now I see

I wish that I had seen the signs
Before your hand slipped from mines
My heart is breaking everyday
Wishing my pain away

I wish you would
Walk through my door
And things would be
As they were before

I thought that I had seen the light
Holding on to you so tight
I wish that you’d come back to me
I was blind, but now I see

I wish that I had seen the signs
Before your hand slipped from mines
My heart is breaking everyday
Wishing my pain away

Thanks! :)

[trt]

Really nice.

Just a tip, think you should add, My heart is breaking everyday
wishing my pain (would go away) instead of just 'away' good luck.

[tinkerbell23]

Lovely!! Well done....really really nice xxx

[Canary42]

Just two small points :-

1. In song number two "She takes my hands from her hips" should surely be "You take my hands from your hips" - otherwise the change of pronoun jars somewhat.

2. In song number three "mines" should IMO be single "mine"

As a general comment, they're not my cup of tea, but are nevertheless as good as (if not better) than many "popular" songs. As the three have an identical theme, are they based on recent experience - if so then my condolences, rejection is very hard to take.

Good luck.

[jeffgreggs]

Thanks very much for your opinion trt and tinkerbell23! :) Fantastic, Appreciate it!

And yes Canary42 they are based on my own experiences, unfortunately. Thanks for the input! :)

[richtee]

Hi Jeff,
I think (for me at least) its hard to judge the lyrics without the music to go with them. A possible example of this is the song Love is All Around- originally by the Troggs I think-written by Reg Presley anyway. The same words, but for me, the Wet Wet Wet version of this song is the best , partly due to the performers, but for me the musical arrangement does it for me.
The way the song is sung- speed, flow, pauses, light and shade etc all contribute to how the song sounds when performed, which I can't judge from words alone how good the words will sound when sung.
Does that make any sense to you? Hope so!!
If I was giving tips on how to write songs, I would say two things-keep it simple, and keep it current.

Good luck, and keep writing!!
richtee