Crosswords2 mins ago
Sarcasm
I was walking past my local Asda and I saw a sign on one of the doors saying, "Exit Only."
I pushed it, went in and walked up to customer services.
"You've seriously underestimated that door's use." I told them.
Is there anyone called Phillip here?
I found your screwdriver.
I bought some pyjamas off the internet, and when I got them I found they had pockets.
Which is great, because now I no longer have to hold things when I'm asleep.
Just seen a news presenter asking an astronomer where is the best place to look to see tonight’s meteor shower.
'Up' surely?
"Ancestry.com - Who will you discover?"
My ancestors?
CAUTION: If shower gel gets in your eyes, rinse with water.
So...the same as every other part of my body I get shower gel on then?
"Birmingham city council to cut 2,000 posts"
It may be just me but making pieces of wood that stick out of the ground shorter seems like a complete waste of resources.
I'm glad food manufacturers include 'serving suggestions' on the label.
What a discovery! I would have never in a million years thought of putting 'beans' on toast.
My mate just rung me and said, "Is anything going on tonight?"
I said, "Yes. Street lights."
I pushed it, went in and walked up to customer services.
"You've seriously underestimated that door's use." I told them.
Is there anyone called Phillip here?
I found your screwdriver.
I bought some pyjamas off the internet, and when I got them I found they had pockets.
Which is great, because now I no longer have to hold things when I'm asleep.
Just seen a news presenter asking an astronomer where is the best place to look to see tonight’s meteor shower.
'Up' surely?
"Ancestry.com - Who will you discover?"
My ancestors?
CAUTION: If shower gel gets in your eyes, rinse with water.
So...the same as every other part of my body I get shower gel on then?
"Birmingham city council to cut 2,000 posts"
It may be just me but making pieces of wood that stick out of the ground shorter seems like a complete waste of resources.
I'm glad food manufacturers include 'serving suggestions' on the label.
What a discovery! I would have never in a million years thought of putting 'beans' on toast.
My mate just rung me and said, "Is anything going on tonight?"
I said, "Yes. Street lights."