@ IHI at the risk of harping on about something -
"I promise those who claim I'm pretentious and egotistical that I don't act that way in public, though I've been tested for Mensa and scored 128, 128, and 129 in the three IQ tests given to me, so just short of qualifying. I've spent the last 10 years rationalising my life and it's purpose in this world so believe me when I say I HAVE thought very deep and very hard about it."
This sentence itself has a rng of pretension about it.
I am sorry for your loss, and would applaud your efforts at struggling with clinical depression etc, and I would also applaud your desire to seek logical and satisfying answers - but,especially on the question you posed- do not let the fate of humanity in 100s or 1000s of years, or the fate of the earth in billions, or the fate of the sun in 10s of billions of years detract or substantively effect your search of fulfillment in life now - for that you need to seek closer to home - family, friends, activities, mingling with the public, appreciation of lifes many splendours, from music to plays, to films, to food and drink to nature itself....