Irrational Fears

[TopCat1]

Hi, my daughter is 2 years old and like any mother I love her SOOO much, and want to protect her, but for some reason I have developed a REALLY Bad irrational fear of taking her to visit my husbands family in London. My husband is from London and his Nan and Aunties still live there. Ever since my daughter was born, he has naturally wanted us all to go to London in order for his Nan and Aunts to see her. This is where my problem is.

I'm terrified of the thought of it. I frightened of taking her in the plane, I don't have a fear of planes myself, but because my daughter will be on it, I am terrified something might happen. I kept putting the visit off because of this, and explained why to my husband who was completely understanding. But last year, when she was 1 and 1/2 I gave in, got the courage up and booked the flights. About week before we were to go, the bombings took place, the second bombings, 3 days before we were to leave. So I said NO WAY. And didn't go. My husband totally understood and agreed.

My husband and his mum (my MIL) have been hounding me for months now about going (as his Nan is quite old) and I eventually gave in and booked the tickets, we are to go in the next few weeks. But I haven't been able to sleep with worry. I'm terrified of taking my baby onto the plane, I'm terrified that once we get there of another terriost attack, I'm terrified of someone taking her from the Nans ground floor flat, I just feel scared ALL THE TIME about this trip. And its totally out of character for me. I'm not an obsessive mum. I don't wrap my child up in cotton wool. I don't have any hang ups or unnatural fears, except when it comes to that TRIP to London.

Please can anyone give me some wise words.

Thank you in advance.

[Bohne]

Where are you living?
Do you have to take a plane, or is there any chance of going by bus/train/car?

I've been reading a lot about fears recently, and suggest you see a specialist. Forcing things, might only make it worse. Don't let people put pressure on you, that you are not ready to deal with.
The figures will probably not make any difference to you. You are aware that much more people die in car accidents than in planes?

Suggest that you mother in law and nan come and visit you instead.

[Kingaroo]

More ideas:

Ask your doctor for an anti-anxiety medication you can take for a limited number of weeks, and for a referral to a therapist who works with desensitization - gradually de-sensitizing people by gradually introducing them to the dogs/spiders/planes they fear.

Have your husband take your daughter without you.

Congratulations for knowing this is an irrational fear and trying so hard to overcome it. I don't think you can "bully" yourself into it - don't get into a battle of wills with your own self! And hooray for your husband for being so understanding.

[TopCat1]

Hi Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate the time you took to answer.

The thing is, its not just about the plane (as I mentioned I have no fear of flying myself), the whole fear is based around my daughter. I'm terrified of something happening to her. So my husband taking her without me is not really an option for me, I would worry MORE infact, I can't even cope with the thought of it.

But again Thank you so so much for your replies.

[elliec]

Hi just read this. Your fears are very common and not abnormal. You must try to put things in perspective. The chances of your daughter being harmed are incredibly small. You obviously don'y mind taking her out in the car or crossong the road with her in a buggy - well the risk associated with doing these things is much higher than coming to London on the plane.

I really reccommend some form of medication from your doctor to stop you being so stressed. I started taking citalopram a year ago and its helped me tremendously.

Remember you can only do so much to protect your child and as she gets older you can't be forever restricting what she does - will you be the only mum who forbits her child to go on the ski trip or go on an exchange trip ?? I don't mean you should take unnecessary risks, but your daughter may well appreciate photos of herself with her grandparents when she's older and they're no longer alive. My Father dies when my daughter was nearly 4 and she can still remember him aged 8. I'm so glad of that. Seize the day for her !