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My brother is due to marry later this year. His fiance asked my sister about 6 months ago if she can be their brides maid, to which my sister has agreed. My brothers fiance did not even ask me if I wanted to be their brides maid and when I asked her who she had chosen to be her brides maids she just said her friends were chosen (she didn't know that my sister had informed me that she had asked her to be her bridesmaid).
I think it is terrible to not include or even ask me to be a bridesmaid. I am feeling so hurt. Mum passed away in June '08, and I met her parents. Her father was so cold with me and limply shook my hand. They invited my father and sister to a barbecue but did not include me and my partner.
I have just spoken to my father on the phone and I said that it is terrible that I wasn't even asked about being a bridesmaid. My father said that my brother's fiance's parents HATE gay people.
I feel so hurt that this is the reason why she did not ask me and soo hurt that her parents can feel that way against people like me. I won't whether my father should have actually told me this, as it's made me feel nothing but anger towards my brother and his fiance.
I always believe that people should have their own opinions, but I can say that this has definately hurt me deep down.
I think it is terrible to not include or even ask me to be a bridesmaid. I am feeling so hurt. Mum passed away in June '08, and I met her parents. Her father was so cold with me and limply shook my hand. They invited my father and sister to a barbecue but did not include me and my partner.
I have just spoken to my father on the phone and I said that it is terrible that I wasn't even asked about being a bridesmaid. My father said that my brother's fiance's parents HATE gay people.
I feel so hurt that this is the reason why she did not ask me and soo hurt that her parents can feel that way against people like me. I won't whether my father should have actually told me this, as it's made me feel nothing but anger towards my brother and his fiance.
I always believe that people should have their own opinions, but I can say that this has definately hurt me deep down.
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Some people can accept homosexuality and some people cant, possiby the older generation are moreso the latter.
She obviously didnt want to upset her parents on her 'big day' and if she told you this she would have upset you too. You have found out via your father and this too has upset you. I cant imagine an easy solution to this one.
She obviously didnt want to upset her parents on her 'big day' and if she told you this she would have upset you too. You have found out via your father and this too has upset you. I cant imagine an easy solution to this one.
I can well understand how upset you are. They have behaved terribly. Could you not have a quiet word and let them know how upset you are ?
I'd be raging and would probably refuse to go to the wedding or ever speak to them again, but thankfully not everyone is like me !!
I hope you get it sorted. Good Luck
I'd be raging and would probably refuse to go to the wedding or ever speak to them again, but thankfully not everyone is like me !!
I hope you get it sorted. Good Luck
Muchlove, I understand how hurt you must feel but my advice would be to rise above it (easy said I know). Please don't let these peoples attitudes upset you, if they are narrow minded and incapable of accepting the fact that people have different sexualities then that is up to them.
Don't be angry with your brother and his fiancee, they no doubt have found themselves caught between a rock and a hard place.
Go to the wedding, hold your head high, look fabulous and be gracious to one and all, do not let their attitude sully you. Show them who is the better person.
xx
Don't be angry with your brother and his fiancee, they no doubt have found themselves caught between a rock and a hard place.
Go to the wedding, hold your head high, look fabulous and be gracious to one and all, do not let their attitude sully you. Show them who is the better person.
xx
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I am confused, is it your brother that is a homosexual or did you mean he has a fiancee? I have got mixed up here I think, are you male and a homosexual so you cannot be a bridemaid or are you female and lesbian and they won;t ask you to be a bridesmaid? What role in the wedding ceremony does a bridesmaid take that would be religiously offensive? If they are deemed to be virgins and so a bridesmaid, why can't you be matron of honour? which is the role a married woman would take?
just ask them, don;t mess about worrying over it because I bet you they have discussed it frankly between themselves but do not have ths balls to offend you to your face
just ask them, don;t mess about worrying over it because I bet you they have discussed it frankly between themselves but do not have ths balls to offend you to your face
Hello warpig,
I don't feel as though I should ask to be invited to a wedding. As if they wanted me there, they would invite me.
We have family coming from abroad and I think they may invite us to make the family happy.
If they do invite us my partner has said she will not be going as other things have been said/occurred since mum's passing.
My partner and I have been together 11 years and we are very happy. How can people like this just say such awful things. I guess, like you said, they are just narrow minded people.
I don't feel as though I should ask to be invited to a wedding. As if they wanted me there, they would invite me.
We have family coming from abroad and I think they may invite us to make the family happy.
If they do invite us my partner has said she will not be going as other things have been said/occurred since mum's passing.
My partner and I have been together 11 years and we are very happy. How can people like this just say such awful things. I guess, like you said, they are just narrow minded people.
Hi dot.hawkes,
My brother and his fiance are marrying later this year. They have asked my sister to be a bridesmaid, but did not ask me (i am female). My brothers fiance has told my father that they have not asked me because her parents are against gay people (yes, i am a lesbian).
I cannot understand why my brother has not defended me. My father said that my bro' agrees with them.
I don;t feel as though I want to go to the wedding now anyway, whether I do get an invite.
My brother and his fiance are marrying later this year. They have asked my sister to be a bridesmaid, but did not ask me (i am female). My brothers fiance has told my father that they have not asked me because her parents are against gay people (yes, i am a lesbian).
I cannot understand why my brother has not defended me. My father said that my bro' agrees with them.
I don;t feel as though I want to go to the wedding now anyway, whether I do get an invite.
Indeed muchlove, you should not have to ask your brother, only problem is, how long do you have to wait before it is clear you are not invited.
I assume your brother does not feel the same as his inlaws to be. If so it is his wedding and he has every right to invite his sister, regardless of how the inlaws may feel about your sexuality. The wedding should be about him and his fiancee.
If no invite is forthcoming then I am sorry to say that your brother has given in to pressure and this would be truely sad but possibly indicative of his future married life.
Can I ask what you sister and father think of this? If it were my family and a sibling was not invited because of their sexuality I would be furious.
I assume your brother does not feel the same as his inlaws to be. If so it is his wedding and he has every right to invite his sister, regardless of how the inlaws may feel about your sexuality. The wedding should be about him and his fiancee.
If no invite is forthcoming then I am sorry to say that your brother has given in to pressure and this would be truely sad but possibly indicative of his future married life.
Can I ask what you sister and father think of this? If it were my family and a sibling was not invited because of their sexuality I would be furious.
Thank you for your answers Warpig
My father agreed that it is terrible that I was not asked to be bridesmaid. My sister also feels the same, and she feels caught in the middle. I have not told my sister yet about they have not asked me because of my bro's inlaws feelings towards gay people. I think my sister would not be happy when she finds out.
My sister said the other day that she does not want to be their bridesmaid as they did not ask me. The problem is she hasn;t got the guts to tell them!
When the family comes over from Italy, (they don't know I am gay), they're going to wonder what on earth is going on.
Some of my family are staying at my house, and how on earth is it going to seem when I say to them I am not going to the wedding. They're going to feel terrible.
Life is hard enough without silly things like this happening.
Since we lost mum to cancer, I feel that life is more precious that this, but no one seems to understand.
My father agreed that it is terrible that I was not asked to be bridesmaid. My sister also feels the same, and she feels caught in the middle. I have not told my sister yet about they have not asked me because of my bro's inlaws feelings towards gay people. I think my sister would not be happy when she finds out.
My sister said the other day that she does not want to be their bridesmaid as they did not ask me. The problem is she hasn;t got the guts to tell them!
When the family comes over from Italy, (they don't know I am gay), they're going to wonder what on earth is going on.
Some of my family are staying at my house, and how on earth is it going to seem when I say to them I am not going to the wedding. They're going to feel terrible.
Life is hard enough without silly things like this happening.
Since we lost mum to cancer, I feel that life is more precious that this, but no one seems to understand.
Sorry muchlove, cross posting. Your brother agrees with them!!!!!!! Well he is marrying into the right family then.
If that is the case, I wouldn't attend either. Send him and his fiance a letter wishing them all the best for the day and their future lives together and state that you regret that you will be unable to attend.
You are in a stable and happy relationship, please do not let this dreadful situation empinge on your life anymore that it has to.
Try to be content with the knowledge that this is not of your making. Live your life.
If that is the case, I wouldn't attend either. Send him and his fiance a letter wishing them all the best for the day and their future lives together and state that you regret that you will be unable to attend.
You are in a stable and happy relationship, please do not let this dreadful situation empinge on your life anymore that it has to.
Try to be content with the knowledge that this is not of your making. Live your life.
Jeez, it just gets worse. The relatives are staying with you!
Fortunately not everyone has the same opinions as the inlaws and hopefully your relatives will see this for what it is - sad, pathetic, narrow minded.
I completely appreciate what you say in relation to your mums death, it does put everything else in life into perspective.
I really am at a loss for words, this is a terrible situation to find yourself in.
Fortunately not everyone has the same opinions as the inlaws and hopefully your relatives will see this for what it is - sad, pathetic, narrow minded.
I completely appreciate what you say in relation to your mums death, it does put everything else in life into perspective.
I really am at a loss for words, this is a terrible situation to find yourself in.
Hello Toby99, No offense taken by your Q.
No, we do not flaunt our sexuality in public. We are two very feminine ladies (friends were surprised when I told them, as we both look very feminine).
Even though family and friends do know about us, we never hold hands or anything like that in front of them - we don't feel the need to.
Yes, Warpig. I think the situation is terrible. I am stressing about this situation. The family from Italy will just think I am a trouble maker when I say I am not going. I think my father will be persuading my brother to send us invites - I don't even want to receive an invite. If i don't receive an invite then I have an excuse to the family, by saying to them I am not invited.
The family do not know of my sexuality. I think they would not approve if they found out, as they are old fashioned Italian family. When I go over to visit the family in Italy they always try and pair me up with a man. I always make excuses, saying something like I have a casual boyfriend in England!! (i know that's bad but it's easier).
How would you feel if you were in the same situation warpig?
No, we do not flaunt our sexuality in public. We are two very feminine ladies (friends were surprised when I told them, as we both look very feminine).
Even though family and friends do know about us, we never hold hands or anything like that in front of them - we don't feel the need to.
Yes, Warpig. I think the situation is terrible. I am stressing about this situation. The family from Italy will just think I am a trouble maker when I say I am not going. I think my father will be persuading my brother to send us invites - I don't even want to receive an invite. If i don't receive an invite then I have an excuse to the family, by saying to them I am not invited.
The family do not know of my sexuality. I think they would not approve if they found out, as they are old fashioned Italian family. When I go over to visit the family in Italy they always try and pair me up with a man. I always make excuses, saying something like I have a casual boyfriend in England!! (i know that's bad but it's easier).
How would you feel if you were in the same situation warpig?
i am sorry but I would not put uip with your brother being such a wimp! There are 101 things that we can get upset about in life, but something so private as out own sexual orientation is noone elses's business or concern and certainly it is not up to total strangers to judge and disaprove in advance. just ask your sistyer if you can be a bridesmaid when she gets married, and ask her in front of everybody BUT make sure she is gonna say yes!!!!! I'd disown the lot of them if they were my family
Honestly? I would be absolutely livid and completely devastated. I would want to kick my brother from one end of the High Street to the other then back again, and that would just be for starters.
I wouldn't do it of course, too much of a lady!
What I would do is be a gracious as possible and let these sad little people get on with their miserable lives.
This whole situation with your brother will hurt you now and in time to come, hopefully to a lesser extent. This is why we have friends - they are the 'families' we choose for ourselves. I really hope that this is resolved but for the life of me I can not see any viable way. The most important thing is for you to retain your dignity, integrity and honour throughout this nightmare.
xx
I wouldn't do it of course, too much of a lady!
What I would do is be a gracious as possible and let these sad little people get on with their miserable lives.
This whole situation with your brother will hurt you now and in time to come, hopefully to a lesser extent. This is why we have friends - they are the 'families' we choose for ourselves. I really hope that this is resolved but for the life of me I can not see any viable way. The most important thing is for you to retain your dignity, integrity and honour throughout this nightmare.
xx
What a horrible situation to be in.
Why not phone your brother and say that 'unfortunately' you will not be able to put up the people coming to his wedding as you are going away with your partner that weekend; and that ,as he is the groom, you would appreciate it if he could let his wedding guests know they will have to make other arrangements.
This will force him to confirm either way if you are invited or not, in a non confrontational way and also takes the problem of explaining things to the family off your hands.
Personally, I would book the weekend away, go and have a great time with your partner rather than having anything to do with this wedding or the people at it.
I can understand what you mean about your mum's death putting things in perspective. However since my dad died in October I've realised who the people are that are always going to be there for me and realised that I have in the past wasted an awful lot of my precious time and energy on people that give me very little in return. I'm detemined to change that and give the best of myself to those that really matter - maybe you should think about doing that too.
Why not phone your brother and say that 'unfortunately' you will not be able to put up the people coming to his wedding as you are going away with your partner that weekend; and that ,as he is the groom, you would appreciate it if he could let his wedding guests know they will have to make other arrangements.
This will force him to confirm either way if you are invited or not, in a non confrontational way and also takes the problem of explaining things to the family off your hands.
Personally, I would book the weekend away, go and have a great time with your partner rather than having anything to do with this wedding or the people at it.
I can understand what you mean about your mum's death putting things in perspective. However since my dad died in October I've realised who the people are that are always going to be there for me and realised that I have in the past wasted an awful lot of my precious time and energy on people that give me very little in return. I'm detemined to change that and give the best of myself to those that really matter - maybe you should think about doing that too.
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