Scots Only I Think

[maggiebee]

A list of ten jokes only Scots would understand:

1. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.

"Comfy?" asks the dentist.

"Govan," she replies.

2. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

3.Did you hear about the lonely prisoner?

He was in his cell.

4. After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt.

"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

5. Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?

Coo eight.

6. A teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: "Can you come and get me? I've missed the last bus and it's pouring with rain."

"Okay," says her dad. "Where are you ringing from?"

The girl replies: "From the top of my head right down to my knickers".

7. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?

Oor Wullie.

8. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.

"No", argues the assistant, "look at that - it says Taiwan"

9. What's the difference between a collie dug and a pan loaf?

Two different breeds

10. A man tells his pal that he is going into town to buy a pair of shoes. His pal says “where aboot?” and he replied “No I prefer wearing shoes”

[ToraToraTora]

I got them all, I'm fluent in Scottish.

[ToraToraTora]

here's another...

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

[THECORBYLOON]

I think you meant effluent...

[jourdain2]

I could understand and laugh at all of them, maggiebee. When we were young, mum would take us to stay with Grandma in her tenement flat in Govan. Drive road, alongside the park.  The box bed in the wall was a bit strange at first.

 

[douglas9401]

Handy since you struggle with English.

[jourdain2]

Eh?  Hope that wasn't aimed at me, Douglas. 

[Hazlinny]

Typical Glesgae, Maggie 😊

[jourdain2]

No Glesgae kisses though, I hope. :)

[Hazlinny]

A few knocking about, Jourdain 🤕

[ToraToraTora]

ok....What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings and Walt Disney! 😂