friends

[scissor sis]

does anyone else have friends that cancel on the last minute for everything?

it was my friends 21st birthday last week and her other half was working away so i said did she want to go out. we firstly arrange to have a girly day having hair and beauty treatments done, when it got changed to lunch and shopping. fine.

the night before i texted to see if we were still on because i had taken the day off, when she replied sorry got loads of uni work to get done before monday and her other friend is coming at the weekend so she can't get it done then!!!

fine i understand that the uni work is important but why do people not let you know!!  think its a bit ****** if you ask me.

does anyone else have the same problem? 

[dml54]

I have a 'friend' like that who was always cancelling at the last minute. She has never altered in the 40 years I have known her - I don't arrange anything with her now.

[jocasta]

to both questioner and 1st answerer,(?) So, if she is 'always' like this, can I ask why is she still a friend? there must be something for you there for you to still class her as such, if you think she is a taker then she will never give anything to you...hence, why do you bother, what do you get from her?

[tarzan]

Seems to be part of life these days. None of my kids friends could organise their time well and sadly mine are not a lot better. Maybe it is not personal!

[country_boy]

That's one of my biggest pet hates, even more of a wind up when it's you that's checking what's happening and then find out they are cancelling!  I have a couple of friends like that, as dml54 says, I don't bother arranging things with them anymore just have a loose agreement so leave it optional.  jocasta, at the end of the day they are still friends and it's not about what you get out of them!  Isn't friendship about accepting people for who they are, good and bad?!!  Nobody's perfect!

[jocasta]

ok, CountryBoy, so I have to ask you...if they are friends and you give and take etc and go through bad times,  (ok so they may have 'ticked' you off tonight) but as much must humans are designed to think, ie  - What do you GIVE and what do you GET from anyone like that (people who treat you like this on a regular basis)?

[jocasta]

Oops, getting carried away there!, what I meant was, if it ****** you off, then dump then and if you can put up with it stop moaning about your friends!!

[country_boy]

Ticked me off tonight?

 

Suggest you read again

[Yinzer]

Meeeow!
Yes, I've had many strange relationships along these lines. One though that I actually used to consider my best friend would not even tell me our plans were off, but just not show up. Most of the time it wasn't as bad since whatever was planned was planned for a bunch of us, but was still disappointing. Sure, I considered her a friend, good and bad and all, but one day I started to realize that I really could do better than her, and it was more of a codependent thing than friendship. But like someone else mentioned, if you truly feel that your friendship is whole-hearted then perhaps she is just bad at managing her time. Sorry to hear about it though, I know how much that sucks.

[Hgrove]

I have known people like that over the years and after a while, I stopped calling them and surprise surprise, they stopped calling me.  The friends I hang on to are those who do not let me down.

[nicola_red]

I have this problem with my bf's friends as well, they're always saying they'll come out and then don't turn up.  I just tend to think boys are less reliable, but that's a sweeping generalisation.

[Rock Mommy]

I have a very close friend who does this, and my husband has a very good friend who also does this.  Then horror or horrors, about 5 years ago, they got together!  We have now come to realise that when we invite them out there is a very slim chance of them actually turning up, which is fine, unless we have paid for tickets for something (happened about twice in the past 5 years).  The last time it happened I flipped and swore we would just not include them in anything that involved money up front.  We love them both, they're great (when they turn up), and I wouldn't be without their friendships, but they have ruled themselves out of a lot of great nights out we have arranged with other friends.   

[secretspirit]

I have the same problem scissor sis. The friend I'm talking about will only be free if her boyfriend isn't (oh yes, she's a clinger in that department) and on our weekly girls nights that are always arranged for the Thursdays and were suggested by her she makes excuses ranging from having to shop for her friends coming over the next day, to wanting an early night (and this is a night in we have without alcohol that lasts until 10pm at the latest) to just seeing the latest boyfriend. It drives all of us mad but we're so used to her ditching us the second she has another amusement. I've taken to not replying to her whiny excuse making text messages whereas before I used to reassure her that it was OK and hopefully it will get the message across.

[mimigreen]

scissor sis, i have exactly the same problem with someone i consider my closest friend, and the most annoying thing is she is the one who makes the plans most of the time and she either cancels at the last minute(when i txt her to confirm if the plans are still on) or tells me to turn up at a certain time and turns up 2 hours later. it really stresses me out, she is a typical "taker" and when we do get together loves to talk about herself and i feel she dismisses anything in my life as unimportant. but we have been friends for seven years and i can't bring myself to cut myself off from her as our other friend would see me as the bad guy, due to her nice, friendly exterior. i recently made another friend with similar traits, but have deliberately lost contact with her which i don't regret. people like that make me feel like i'm uptight, and it's even more annoying when other people don't see what they are like and they are popular despite their selfishness. my advice to you is don't get stressed, remember that she is the one with the poblem, and surround yourself with people you can rely on.