As I've said i played fro the age of ten and in all my years and over 1000 games I've had three fights two of them were handbags at dawn kind of thing but one was a proper gloves and helmet off job. We class them twofold, respectful or not. If you respect your opponent but the fight is inevitable you do it right. I think 3 fight in 1000 games is pretty good odds.
As a coach I never sent players into fights but always told them to play hard aggressive hockey, you have to because it's how the other team come at you. It's also a passionate game, you put everything into it!
As for the padding, it's only there for one reason to protect players from the puck and on the odd occasion a stray blade.
Think of it this way, you step on the ice for a shift, you are skating at up to 30mph wearing another 30lbs of kit, it's practically impossible not to be aggressive! I suspect you got a bad game tonight, they are not all like that.
I'm just waiting till the day I become a Grandad so that I can teach my grandkids the discipline and skills that the game gives you