Bullies

[Just Max]

How do you stop bullies?

[acw]

Ignore them - apparently. 

[acw]

Sorry for being so obtuse in my answer.  That's what my teachers told me.  And it was about as effective using a cork to plug the hole in the ozone layer.  I agree with Andy - reporting it is the best plan.  I also think that there is a distinction between physical and psychological bullying.  If it is the latter, perhaps asking the bully outright and publically "Why are you always so rude to me/people?  Why do you feel the need to act the tough guy?  Is there something upsetting you and this is a way of venting your frustration?"  Obviously you have to guage the situation - that may be entirely inappropriate advice, but you will have a gut feeling about it. 

 

I address this final part of victims of bullying Just Max - be that you, or someone you know:

Try to be positive.  My advice to any victim of bullying is to try to break the destructive cycle so that you don't end up bitter about it.  And for god's sake - DON'T BELIEVE THEM!!!  Anything they say about looks/intelligence/family/background - you are better than that and you are more than that!  They may be picking on one weakness, but you have 1 million other wonderful things about you and you have to concentrate on those everytime they something bad.  (E.g., I was bullied for having small boobs, but I had to keep a grip and remember - a lot of the girls with big boobs are fat - you can't seem to have both, I've got one, but not the other.  Never mind!)

 

Again, sorry for a seemingly sarcastic answer before.  That was my bitterness about my school's shocking policy while I was there. 

[FP]

acw.  Ignoring bullies, if it is verbal bullying, is a good idea if at all possible.  I only say this, because trying to reason with whoever is bullying you is totally impossible, and showing you are upset makes them worse.   I don't think many children have the verbal communication skills to confront the bullies.   But it should be reported to a responsible adult in the school and the school should investigate and act.  Bullying should not be tolerated under any circumstances, and bullying can take lots of nasty forms.    Unfortunately, the 'ignore it' advice is often given and the schools don't even look into it. 

[Insane Wally]

Bullies are attracted to people who they see as weak.

I'll assume we're talking about school bullying:

Tell parents & teachers, & don't be affraid to point the bully out to friends.

Be confident, do not be nervous, this will encourage the bully.  Look straight ahead when walking, don't look to the floor.

Avoid the places you are more likely to be bullied.

Stay in groups, bullies are corwards & will usually only pick on you when you are alone.

Imaging the bully as something funny, like a clown in big shoes. Everytime you see them think of this & hopefully they will seem a lot less scary.

[acw]

The problem with ignoring them is that it makes the victim feel even more like a victim.  At the time it feels as if you are agreeing with them but just LETTING them say what they want and not even questioning it.  I was told that ignoring them was the best plan cos they would get bored and turn to something else.  7 years - they never got bored.  So I gave as good as I got because it was my one way to retain a sense of self-respect.  No WAY was I going to sit there and let them batter every aspect of my looks, personality, intellignce, social life, love life and family life into the ground.  NO WAY.  Part of being confident is to not crumble into a corner and take it. 

 

Has anyone actually SEEN the "ignore them" advice actually work?  I suspect punishment of some sort is needed.  Oh, and for any teachers reading this... the instruction to ignore them is only actually intended for the victim.  As a teacher you're actaully meant to do something to help - not join in!

[FP]

I agree with Insane Wally.   My son was pushed flat just walking past two older bullies in his first year at secondary school.  He got up, brushed himself down, looked at them, smiled and said 'thanks' and promptly walked on.  It never happened again.    Ignoring, does not necessarily mean 'crumbling into a corner'.   It is a difficult issue though.

[acw]

That was really brave and clever of your son.  I was referring to psychological bullying though.  This is something that teachers ignore because it's harder for them to deal with than bruises or cuts etc - because they can't prove anything.  I don't mean that physical violence is easier for the victim to deal with. 

 

Also, technically your son did not ignore them.  Further proof that SOME sort of reaction will help - preferably a calm and measured one like that given by FP's son.

[ICEMANSAV]

Demand that the head master does something about the situation or that you will go to a national/local paper highlighting that schools record. I think it is actually ( due to the fact that school is enforced ) a law that they must look after your well being whilst there and not doing this is a violation of rights. Steal their clothes and hide them while they are doing sports, normally in the urinal ( if male ) thats a good get back!

[indian]

I think we might need abit more information just max if possible? It's a hard question to answer because if you ignore them they might not go away, if you answer back they might become worse. I agree with ICEMANSAV.

I really hope things work out for you. Let us know how you get on! xxx

[Andy008]

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got.

Bullies only behave like they do because they know they can get away with it. Stand up to them, and I guarantee they will think twice about doing it again.

[Otrere]

JUST MAX It would help if we knew what type of bullying we are talking about here though................????

[leong]

beat them up

[School needs]

What types of people are being bullied need answers by tomorrow morning for my student leaders speach on the effect of what types of people are being bullied?

[vivalamojo]

The reason people bully is because you are getting upset. It is not because of what they are teasing you about, it is the fact that they can see that is either hurts or angers you.

This is one of the most useful websites I've found on the topic and what you can do about it: http://www.bullies2buddies.com/

[fms]

just max bullying is a power thing if you can get a group together and publicly humiliate the toe rags it will stop them have a word with your friends and get a petition together you can be strong enough to sort them out not with braun but with brains