Crosswords1 min ago
The mother-in-law.
11 Answers
Does anyone else have problems with the mother-in-law? I used to really get on with and like mine, but recently she's become a right pain in the a@*e.
Answers
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Mine means well but she's such a fusspot and treats my fiance as if he's 12, buying him food to bring home, underwear etc. This irritates me constantly as I feel like she's implying we can't look after ourselves (I am 30 and lived alone for several years before we moved in together). I know she's disapproving of the fact I don't want kids and I feel like she doesn't take my views on it seriously at all. I also sometimes think she still thinks he was wrong to get so serious with me as I'm older than him. Because of all this I tend to keep out of her way if possible, which isn't easy as his parents live a 5min walk away from us (mine are about 35 miles away). Generally, I think a lot of mother-in-law issues stem from the fact that she's just so different from your own mum and you can't get used to it. My mum has always been a career woman who let my brother and I take care of ourselves (I don't mean neglect obviously, just that she taught us to cook for ourselves, encouraged us to earn our own money as soon as we turned 16, etc) and that's very different to how his mum is. Doesn't mean it's wrong, but i find it hard to get used to.
I got on well with my m-i-l until her son had an affair and left me and our three children. Clearly it was all my fault as her son was (and still is) perfect! I then became a second class citizen in her eyes - despite the fact I took myself off to university, got a degree and qualified as a teacher. We would have got on better if I'd accepted his affair and stayed with him. I couldn't do that, she couldn't accept that and now we don't get on. She doesn't even see the grandchildren - her choice, but I haven't gone out of my way to help.
mine was dreadfull..she has died now ..she had 4 children and my husband looks like his dad so just before she died she said to my husband i like you least of all my children because you look like your father..she used to ignore our daughter she would give her other grandchild a present in front of our daughter and then turn and say their is nothing for you..my fatherinlaw had to leave the country in 1975 when he divorced her as she nearly drove him insane so he has made a new life in the usa..i used to stand up to her so fireworks flew she wasnt going to bully me..she was money mad and we were in the raf and she wrote to them asking for some of my husbands pay to be sent to her..even though she owned her own house and hairdressing shops she still wanted more..she didnt get any of our pay but she tried..she allways called me fat as i was a size 14 in dress so for xmas i bought her a size 26 nightie..and said i hope it fits ..she wasnt that large and was really angry..i am glad she is no longer here as she was a nightmare..
We had MAJOR problems with my husband's mum. It got to the point where my husband actually sought help for it as we were at a loss as to what to do. The therepist told him " Just because she's your Mum, it doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with her". That kind of made us both realsie that we didn't really want to cut her out of our lives as she really does mean well most of the time, but we drew some pretty clear boundaries and stepped back and didn't compromise until she got the message. She didn't want to lose her son either, and after an awkward period things are now better than ever.
He was the last child to 'leave the nest' and I think it was much harder for her to come to terms with. Plus he met me, so I was given a really hard time trying to prove that I was up to the job of replacing her in her son's life. My husband really learned to stand up for himself during and he has a completely different realtionship with his mother now. This has taken some years though. She respects me now too, although I am still wary and on guard!!! Good luck!
Oh yeah, It sounds like we have something in common- this whole situation happened so slow yet so fast. I am yet trying to figure some dynamics out yet. I have come to some conclusions. But am not sure where exackly to put my finger- She's not satisfied with her life and/or she's not feeling important in his life anymore. Yet, it seems the more you involve the m-i-l, the more she can meddle. She doesn't know how to be apart of his life-where she fits-so,,, we are the subjects..since we are the one's who she is resenting. Self diagnosing this situation has not helped me cope or solve anything- The one thing we have not done is "spelled out my feelings"- we just seem to jab at eachother in indirect ways- (mine is a passive approach-while she is passive aggressive) I feel she wants me to be under her- And that is the other thing- LOSS of CONTROL- She wants me to feel that I am inferior to her- it makes her feel she still has her position. I think the question is SUPPORT from your husband-is it where it should be? He's the one who needs to put her in her place- appropriate boundaries- I'm still working on this one- Looking forward to any comments
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