Friends Worth Having

[Chasingcars]

I had planned to travel to see my friend this weekend who I have not seen in years, I live on the south coast, they live in the North, so for me a 4+ hour drive each way.
When I was talking to another friend I mentioned this and he has a friend on the way in Nottingham so agreed I would drive, drop him off en route and then see my friend today, before going back to Nottingham to pick him up and then home.
Then on Thursday my friend who was going to lift share made some long winded excuse about not being abe to come and then last night after a long drive, my other friend text to say sorry couldnt meet today afterall!!! His reason was his wife is pregnant and his little girl is ill, but this was the case a few days ago, and is also second time its happened.
Starting to feel my so called 'friends' are unreliable and actually are not real friends. Yes they text me weekly etc but i just feel if they cant manage to make the time to see me for an hour or so after the effort i have made is it worth it?
This kind of links to a previous question of mine of are friends worth having no matter what, ie if you don't see them for months, and you dont speak to them frequently, it shouldn't matter, but part of me thinks actually it does matter. Friendship is a 2 way thing and i think why should i make the effort for nothing in return.
I am driving home shortly, a round trip of 500+ miles and cost of hotel!
Be interested to hear peoplles thoughts as im thinking of just calling time of these so called friendships. Thanks.

[Old_Geezer]

I think it not unusual to keep an intended plan open in the hope one can achieve it and yet as it approaches realise it isn't feasible. But it's your personal choice whether your friends no longer add to your life.

[Maydup]

This friendship is going to be more and more difficult to maintain, and I think its best to accept that the two of you are likely to see less of each other from now in. What with the distance between you and him having a family.

Don't give up altogether but sit back and wait for him to come to you for a family holiday in the south. Shame you cant even pop in to see him this morning, but never mind, have a good journey home.

[Old_Geezer]

I'll add and say that it was a lot off your friend let you make the journey before telling you. You could politely express your disappointment when the opportunity arrives if you have not already.

[anneasquith]

now ex friends,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what a wasted journey for you, id actually inform them of your disappointment, then move on.

[sinderella]

If i had friends i wouldnt do this to them
especially not twice!

[boxtops]

That's very inconsiderate of them, although it sounds as if circumstances got in the way of the plans. I wouldn't plan to do that again unless I had firm agreement that you would be welcome and that it was convenient. When did you last speak to your friend in the south, to confirm the details?

Suggest you meet in the middle, next time (if there is a next time).

[DaisyNonna]

Met a friend last year I had not seen for 45 years. Like we had never been apart.

[boxtops]

I can't agree that friends you don't see often aren't true friends. Having lived all over the UK, I have several friends I don't see from one year's end to the next, but we keep in touch, and it doesn't matter we don't meet.

[black_cat51]

my truest friends lived in mozambique for seven years and i didn't see or speak to them for 3 of those years so i don't agree either. TBH it sounds to me like your friend's wife laid down the law about him seeing you!

[Chasingcars]

Old_Geezer...thats a very good point whether they add anything to my life, and I am not sure they do really :-(
Maydup...i had originally suggested I travel to my friends house but with a young toddler and pregnant wife i didnt want to impose on them so i booked a hotel not far away. There was no invite for me to go there today as the text simply said he couldnt meet up at all, not simply he couldnt get to me as i am the sort of person who would drive anywhere if I had to!
Anneasquith - i have yet to text a reply but thinking of going along the lines you suggest about being dissapointed, which i am.
Boxtops, we have been in touch every other day pretty much discussing details for the trip, the last couple of texts i had were yesterday morning on my way up checking how my journey was going and then one a few hours later saying he couldnt meet!
I didnt mean that friends who you dont see often cant be close friends, but i meant that if they were that good friends they would perhaps make more of an effort to see me or not cancel so easily, or if they were genuinly upset they couldnt meet, suggest another date, or come and see me, but generally i have noticed a pattern of its me doing the suggesting, travelling and the arranging which makes me think they perhaps are not so bothered by this friendship.

[Chasingcars]

Black_cat51 i think you may be right about that but then i would rather him just say that! I can just imagine the same thing happening again, so if his wife doesn't want him t meet up with me, just be honest about it as I'm not going to keep wasting my time!

[Purple_Popple]

Love many, trust few, paddle your own canoe.
Friends come and go...but dont let yourself be walked over. These people are not friends.

[chrissa1]

I think your friends are totally out of order. To cancel everything when they knew you were on your way is unacceptable, IMO.

If you lived about 30 miles away, fair enough, but to drive the length of the country for nothing, is awful.

I would call time on these friends. They are not true friends.

[Chasingcars]

PurplePopple, i love that. So true. I think i am just a bit too trusting and maybe a bit naive. Live and learn huh.

[joko]

id have had a bit of a go at them to be honest... to let you drive all that way an wait till you arrive to say no...? out of order

[mariostewart62]

In every stage of life there is a time came when an individual get busy and priorities accordingly change for work and family. It doesn't mean the other person don't want to come or giving stupid reasons. Its a true friendship and keep smooth understanding in each others situations.

[barba]

Wow he actually knew how logn journey it will be for you and you are on your way. So even he really couldn't spend with you whole day, don't tell me that his wife couldn't stay without him ONE HOUR! I think he just simply made some stupid excuse because he in real didn't want to meet. That's all.