ChatterBank0 min ago
Outbid
I was outbid 10p for a settee on ebay. So close, yet sofa.
I baked a meat pie the other day and then travelled with it to Milton Keynes, Birmingham and Lambeth, because my old maths teacher always used to tell me to take pie to three dismal places.
My partner left me today and all I have is a goat and a sheep It is just ewe and me kid
I went on a date with a stock broker last night. I could tell he fancied me straight away. He kept playing FTSE.
Someone put a note through my door this morning, it said 10-7=3. I’m sick of these takeaway leaflets.
My dentist treated me like a king today. He told me I should have a crown.
It was a dark and stormy night and all the lights were out, then there was a tap on the window. What a stupid place to put a tap.
I was tricked into buying some drugs by a swarm of wasps. It was a sting operation.
I was watching a ship going out to sea yesterday in stormy clouds and raging winds. There was music blasting from it and all I could hear were people singing “I’ve been driving in my car it’s not quite a Jaguar.” I thought, “That’s Madness going out to sea in this weather.”
My horse did well in his exam last week at school. He got a neigh.
I regret marrying a Himalayan cattle herder. All he ever does is complain about how homesick he is. “Yak, yak, yak.”
I baked a meat pie the other day and then travelled with it to Milton Keynes, Birmingham and Lambeth, because my old maths teacher always used to tell me to take pie to three dismal places.
My partner left me today and all I have is a goat and a sheep It is just ewe and me kid
I went on a date with a stock broker last night. I could tell he fancied me straight away. He kept playing FTSE.
Someone put a note through my door this morning, it said 10-7=3. I’m sick of these takeaway leaflets.
My dentist treated me like a king today. He told me I should have a crown.
It was a dark and stormy night and all the lights were out, then there was a tap on the window. What a stupid place to put a tap.
I was tricked into buying some drugs by a swarm of wasps. It was a sting operation.
I was watching a ship going out to sea yesterday in stormy clouds and raging winds. There was music blasting from it and all I could hear were people singing “I’ve been driving in my car it’s not quite a Jaguar.” I thought, “That’s Madness going out to sea in this weather.”
My horse did well in his exam last week at school. He got a neigh.
I regret marrying a Himalayan cattle herder. All he ever does is complain about how homesick he is. “Yak, yak, yak.”
Answers
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Lucky Llama I took a day off work and decided to go out golfing.
On the second hole I noticed a Llama standing next to the green. I thought nothing of it and was about to shoot when I heard the llama grunt, "9 Iron"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone and the llama grunted again "9 Iron." I looked at the llama and decided to prove him wrong, puts my other club away, and grabbed a 9 iron.
Boom! I hit it 10 inches from the cup. I was shocked. I said to the llama, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky llama, eh?"
The llama reply's "Lucky llama." I decided to take the llama with me to the next hole. "What do you think llama?" I asked.
"3 wood." I took out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. I was incredibly befuddled and didn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, I golfed the best game of golf in my life and asks the llama, "OK where to next?"
The llama grunted a reply, "Las Vegas." So, we go to "Las Vegas and I say, "OK llama, now what?" The llama grunted, "Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The llama grunted, "$3000, black 6."
Now, this is a thirty-six to one shot to win, but after the golf game, I figured what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Once in the hotel room, I said "Llama, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." "Just name it and it is yours."
The llama grunted, "Kiss Me." I figured why not, since after all the llama did for me, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the llama turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. ".... And that, milord, is how the girl ended up in my room."
On the second hole I noticed a Llama standing next to the green. I thought nothing of it and was about to shoot when I heard the llama grunt, "9 Iron"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone and the llama grunted again "9 Iron." I looked at the llama and decided to prove him wrong, puts my other club away, and grabbed a 9 iron.
Boom! I hit it 10 inches from the cup. I was shocked. I said to the llama, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky llama, eh?"
The llama reply's "Lucky llama." I decided to take the llama with me to the next hole. "What do you think llama?" I asked.
"3 wood." I took out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. I was incredibly befuddled and didn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, I golfed the best game of golf in my life and asks the llama, "OK where to next?"
The llama grunted a reply, "Las Vegas." So, we go to "Las Vegas and I say, "OK llama, now what?" The llama grunted, "Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The llama grunted, "$3000, black 6."
Now, this is a thirty-six to one shot to win, but after the golf game, I figured what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Once in the hotel room, I said "Llama, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." "Just name it and it is yours."
The llama grunted, "Kiss Me." I figured why not, since after all the llama did for me, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the llama turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. ".... And that, milord, is how the girl ended up in my room."
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