where to live?

[ohreally?]

hello all, i am really desperate to move away from lewisham, it is extremely impoverished and tense with a lot of violence and crime, i am a single mum with a little boy of 10. the thought of him going to secondary schoola nd commuting through lewisham everyday just make me so low. i would love to move somewhere, multicultural, peaceful, pleasant and safe as possible. He is mixed raced, my worst fear is for him to feel isolated and be discriminated against. Are there places out there that i haven't discovered or is this as good as it gets. i want more than this for him. i have been here all my life and would really love a change

[tigga]

hi, well im not extensively travelled myself so dont hold me to it but as far as i have seen, every place has its good and bad areas. even in the nicer richer places you are only a 10/15 minute drive away from some load of scallies who think crime is a 9-5 job !. I think the key is to bring your lad up with respect which i have no doubt you are doing, and get him to understand what type of people he should to befriend and which to disassociate himself from.

Well, thats the way my parents did it and if i say so myself, i havent done too bad and nor did they !.

[tigga]

p.s. i too am mixed race, dont worry about it, in this day and age its an everyday matter - im sure he will grow to be proud of what he is and any hassle will be water off a ducks back.

[gary baldy]

Ever thought of moving out of London? I have always thought the Midlands seemed to handle their multi culturalism very well. People tend to mix and of course you will be better off financially moving out of London. In any inner city you are going to get crime and violence but in London it seems difficult to avoid it and i always feel a bit safer in other cities. Do you have any friends or relatives who live outside London?

[stanleyman]

I was born in Wandsworth nearly sixty years ago and I'm really glad we gradually moved further away to now in rural Suffolk with one of the lowest crime rates in the country. I still have relatives around London and enjoy visiting and everything London has to offer but live there again, no way. The same goes for some of the other places I've lived that are now overcrowded.

You can go anywhere, even emigrate, I think you would be doing a wonderful thing for your son and yourself, there definitely are better places out there. Having said that, there are places in and around London that are much better than Lewisham and if you have family ties you might not want to go too far. You need to visit and research potential places before going for it.

I'm not aware of any discrimination issues where I live and as there are fewer non white people I think they are more readily accepted but unfortunatley you might get the odd idiot wherever you go. As tigga says teach him to be confident and proud of what he is but also that it's the person that matters not his race. Good Luck.

[ohreally?]

thank you all so much. really appreciate your advice.

[RogK]

I live in SW London and love it. Somewhere not too expensive (tho' I don't know your situation) could be Teddington, Sunbury or maybe the Shepperton/Staines area.

On the south coast is Hastings, which I'm familiar with. A great place, imo, where everyone seems to know everyone and property is cheap because you can't really commute easily to London. Have you thought of the seaside?

[hmc]

Hi Move to Brighton. Its safe, accepting and fun. Some good schools and certainly a more positive attitude to life in general. You'd still be within reach of any family and old friends. Don't stay somewhere where you don't feel your son would be safe.

[ohreally?]

fantastic advice from everyone, has helped a lot. thanks again

[Drusilla]

Hi ohreally, I know how you feel. Having grown up in Hackney and been bullied relentlessly at secondary school, I was only too glad to get out. I still live in London (Metropolitan line tube), but on the border with Herts. It's much quieter, greener and I feel safer and more confident about bringing my daughters up in this environment. I had a recent fall out with my younger sister who still lives in Hackney and is furious I refuse to visit the dump. (She believes it's exciting/I think it's a horrorshow)
West London is multicultural too, but I found the mix here was different. Whereas Hackney had a large Afro-Caribbean community, here the predominant minority group is Indian.
I don't think I would want to live outside London as I do like the cultural mix.

[Scarlett]

I can recommend Canterbury, as being close to London, but a really lovely place to be. Also, if you want to be really looked after, try Dorchester in Dorset. It is very middle class, full of lovely open-minded people, and has virtually no crime. I teach in the schools there and the children are quite the loveliest you will ever meet.

Have a look on www.rightmove.co.uk for house prices. Let me know if you need any help!

[ohreally?]

hi there, scarlett, thank you for your advice. i don't want to be a pain but i was so inspired by your answer, looked up Dorchester and thought it was beautiful, just wanted to asked your advise on a few more things, ie, schools round there, housing allowance, is it multicultural?

[Scarlett]

Hi!

Not sure what you mean by housing allowance... please explain!

It is not multicultural but like all towns, there are always mixed races living there. The thing about Dorchester is that the people are so lovely that it would make no difference what race you were. I can't promise school kids would be perfect, but certainly in all the schools I teach at, there are no race issues or bullying. I grew up in Dorchester too, and my friends and I seem to be very balanced and laid back people.

Why not come and visit and get a feel for the place? It is 15 minutes from the sea (Weymouth) and the countryside is amazing.

http://www.dorsetforyou.com/media/images/6/a/Street%20View,%20Dorchester%20large.jpg

http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.weymouth-pictures.co.uk/dor/dor/fro/mil/DorchesterWalks5_310304sm.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.weymouth-pictures.co.uk/dor/dor/dorchpics.htm&h=100&w=133&sz=9&tbnid=vwGu3UksACQJ:&tbnh=64&tbnw=86&hl=en&start=20&prev=/images%3Fq%3DDorchester%2Briver%2Bfrome%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26safe%3Doff

[ohreally?]

Thanks for the pictures, we will go and visit, it sounds rally lovely. Housing allowance is support for single parents when the rent exceeds your income, rent round here is so steep

[Scarlett]

http://www.dorsetforyou.com/index.jsp?articleid=157380

You could try phoning or emailing the council from this site. Rent is steep in any part of Dorset, and Dorchester is the county town, so will be expensive I imagine! But I don't know how it compares to your current rent.

[RogK]

Dorchester's a great idea. And that coast....!