Buying Xmas Presents For Adult Children.

[Smowball]

It’s been a sore point in this house all week. MrSmow and I don’t have any children together, but I have 4 - I had 4 when we met. They are all adults now. I buy them all Xmas presents every year, but only the youngest, Ben, buys us a present. The other 3 NEVER buy us a present. In fact 2 of them don’t even send us a Christmas card! Soooooooo MrSmow said this week enough is enough - stop buying them presents and just send them cards. I’m inclined to agree with him, but not sure how I would stop it without giving an explanation that’s going to alienate them.
Your thoughts?? Do you buy for your adult children?? Do they buy for you? xx

[evadora]

When I married my husband had two children in their teens. We sent birthday and christmas cards and presents for them and then also to the grandchildren when they came along. In all that time my husband received a birthday card each year and I received nothing. We never got a thanks for any of the things sent. Three years ago my husband said enough was enough (we have been married for 30 years) and now we only send cards. This year we decided not to bother with the cards.

[Smowball]

Hi evadora. Thanks for commenting. Is your husband actually close to his children?? Or does he rarely see them? xx

[albaqwerty]

Tell them Xmas is for kiddies, not adults. :)

I'll send card to older one and his lady in their new house (first Xmas in it)

[evadora]

When we married he was close to his children, they came on holiday with us etc but driffed away as they got older. My husband did his best to keep in contact with phone calls etc but they never rang him it was always him doing the calling. We think they blamed him for the marriage break up but it was his ex wife who split the marriage. We never met until long after the divorce and his wife was then getting divorced from the man she left my husband for.

[jennyjoan]

I have been giving 4 nephews from they were born - all grew up now - 4 of them received an inheritance - 2 came with some great present of money. The other 2 that we have helped through horrific times haven't come back. So that's only 2 I will be having cards for. Signed sealed and delivered.

Also first time in my life I will not be posting any cards at 95p a stamp for the receiver to look at words that mean nothing to them and into the dump they go.

I am expecting very little cards myself as 8 or 10 friends have passed on. So that's that for me.

My cousin, her daughter and myself only deliver cards no presents as we truly have single thing on this planet I want and I want no more. Always said I DO NOT like presents. If I want anything I buy it myself.

Don't like flowers at all as you can't eat them or drink them. LOL

Sorry for being verbose SMOWBO

[naomi24]

I would do as Alba suggests. Tell them you're buying for children only.

[Smowball]

Am loving the replies. Sooooo I think that’s me settled - 4 cards sent, one present as Ben always always buys us a present. And tough luck for the rest who completely ignore me!! Seems to be a cheaper Xmas this year lol!

[MargoTester]

You could always blame the economy Smow and say you are cutting back will not be buying presents any more

[jennyjoan]

good for you Smowy - stand by that - don't be swayed

[maggiebee]

Smow, you don't have to give an explanation, just stop.

[Smowball]

I know Maggie….. I just feel bad.

[jennyjoan]

^^^^ that's right - no explanation - they never give you one over the years

[jennyjoan]

don't think they feel bad , can't wait to see their wee faces when they open this exciting card and money DOES NOT fall out card, Ha hahaha.

[maggiebee]

Smow, I have a friend who almost bankrupts herself every year buying presents for a very extended family. She is 84 and, apart from one son who does shopping for her once a week, none of them ever come near her. It's hard to break old habits, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

[Smowball]

That’s the argument in this house - every single birthday and every single Xmas I go out and buy actual presents, wrap them, post them…..do I ever get anything back?? No, not even a card. Only my youngest, bless him, sends presents and cards. Xx my eldest son sends cards, the other 2 don’t do a single thing xx

[jennyjoan]

^^^^ that makes me sad that

[jennyjoan]

^^^^ that was for maggie be re the old lady

[Samuraisan]

We always do a Secret Santa ( except for the little children) We put a price limit and make a big deal of opening each present seperately before Christmas lunch. There is a great website Drawnames.es, but I bet there are loads. With this website you won't get the same person 2 years running ( phew, I had Mr.Sam last year which was a nightmare ) and, if you want to be sneaky, if you are the one doing it, you can specify who you don't want, secretly ! ( I have never done that I hasten to add ). Using this kind of website, they will have to participate or look really really bad. It works by you supplying email addresses of all the participants.

[Smowball]

I know Xmas shouldn’t even be about money………

[Smowball]

I like that idea Samuraisan