Moral Dilemma - I need help here...

[amulet]

I recently bumped into a teacher from senior school a few months ago. When I was at school he would organise the ski trips and I had the opportunity to go on them for a number of years. Recently, he asked me if I wanted go skiing with him for a week over new year -which is great coz I haven't skied in five years. I'm paying my own way ofcourse. It was well known in my later years at school that I was gay, and he supported me through that troubling time. However, last week when making arrangements for the trip at new year, he told me that he thinks he might be gay and I am the only person he has told - which is a shock, as he is as masculine at they come. But I am now in second thoughts as to whether or not I want to go skiing at new year now. Ofcourse, it doesn't make him a different person, but I already have a boyfriend and I don't want the former teacher to make a move on me. But at the same I cant just cancel because he will know I've done it because of the revelation. I'm stuck. I really don't want to go skiing now, but I don't know how or what to say without hurting his feelings. Any ideas?

[kate1976]

Just because he's confided in you that he's gay doesn't mean he's going to make a move on you, he probably just felt he could open up to you because you'd understand!

If I were you I'd still go on the trip and enjoy yourself, IF he makes a move then just calmly explain that you already have a boyfriend but you are always there for him if he needs to talk!

You could also keep mentioning your boyfriend in a casual way so he gets the hint that you're spoken for!

If you really don't want to go skiing though then just tell him that you can't afford it or your boyfriend has made other plans!

Good luck with it!

[amulet]

thank you :0)

[kazzianne]

I agree with Kate.He may well have told you that he was gay purely becuse he felt you would understand.I would again casually mention your boyfriend - maybe you could ask if he could join you on the holiday?

[helliebobs]

Hi amulet, I agree with the other ABers - plus, if you are only planning on going away next year, you have plenty of time to make it clear you are in a relationship but at the same time be supportive of his recent coming out.

[Quizmonkey]

The most surprising thing you write is: "...which is a shock, as he is as masculine as they come". As a gay man yourself I'm amazed that you're trotting out such stereotyping that wouldn't look out of place in the Daily Mail. Are you suggesting that you (and every gay man you've met) are/is a lisping, effeminate, limpwristed clich�??

[amulet]

I merely suggested that i was shocked that someone I thought for a long time was heterosexual, was actually homosexual. I'm sorry if i caused offence. I didn't mean to stereotype and i won't do it again.

[Quizmonkey]

Sorry Amulet, I didn't mean to attack - it just really pi55es me off when I see gay men portrayed merely as camp old queens. You don't often hear gay men doing it too! I'm sure you know that gays are just as likely to be as masculine as the straightest of straights - I think it was just your unfortunate choice of wording.

Good luck with your situation. It doesn't sound like anything 'unwelcome' is going on - and if there is I'm sure you can nip it in the bud.

[Pippa68]

Hmmm..rather like a lesbian isn't always butch!

I agree with the others, amulet. I wouldn't be worried & to be honest you would be missing out on a nice holiday and *possibly* helping him come to terms with his sexuality (without physically helping him if you catch my drift!).

As has been suggested, him being gay doesn't automatically mean he fancies you (another 'hetero' faux pas, lol) obviously you don't fancy every gay man you have met?

If you really don't want to go on the trip then you are sure to think up an excuse ~ but I think it would be a shame if you don't. How about taking your boyfriend too?

[dancealot13]

Ok. He invites you to go on a skiing trip with him, and then tells you he think he MAY be gay. He absolutely without a doubt in my mind, is going to try and hit on you. Now whether he is going to hit on you for experimenting purposes or because he actually has a crush on you...or both, but he will try something. Go on the trip, just make it very very clear that you have a boyfriend that you love.

[amulet]

thanks for your responses...the only thing is that the words he used when he told me were: the reason why i like you so much is because i think i'm a bit gay aswell. I don;t know if that means that he has warmed to me because I am gay or if he has deeper feelings. he's also 55 and im 23, which isn't a problem but just thought i'd give u all the info.

[dilf]

i cannot help you in any way amulet but i can tell you that one day you will tell this story with tears of laughter

ha ha

[flipflop104]

I'd tell him you'd like to take your current bf along as well to experience the skiing hol and if he doesn't like that then say you're not willing to go.

Was this teacher expecting you to share a room with him or were you going to have single rooms? This would be a telltale sign, I would think.

And by inviting your bf you're making it clear that separate rooms are needed.

[dancealot13]

amulet- From what I have seen (and this is nothing prejudice or anything)- but, people tend to be a bit more 'free' in the homosexual world, when it comes to age....even more so then heterosexuals. Im only 24, and several of my gay friends (also my age), date men 20 or more years older. Of course they date men their age as well, my point only being its common for larger age gaps.

[amulet]

thanks for all your responses. he's left the planning all to me and the dates that i return to school to teach are early in january so I don;t think i'll be able to go, so hopefully i can use that to bail me out.