Wedding Invitations

[smudge]

Long winded I know - but you should know me by now!

Anyway, we have just received a wedding invitation from my brother, for his step-son's forthcoming wedding. I haven't seen or spoken to this particular brother or step-nephew for nearly five years, only exchanging Christmas cards.

However, inside the envelope was the invitation, a map, a reply form in SAE & last but not least, an Argos Gift Card, with a personal reference number for the list of 'what they'd like'.

It was nice to receive an invitation after all these years, but I wasn't too impressed finding the gift request inside it. I thought it was a little forward of them, especially knowing we haven't spoken or seen each other for such a long time!

I know gift lists are a good idea, but when our two daughters got married, we sent out the invitations first & it was only when guests phoned for gift ideas, that we typed one up & sent it out to one & all. I know it was extra postage, but we wouldn't have dreamt of doing so at the invitation stage!

If we do attend the wedding, I'd feel inclined to give vouchers of a cheque, just to be rebellious! What are your views on the idea of gift requests in the same envelope as the invite?

[ali_alic]

We got an invite to a friends wedding and she gladly told us that we three couples (her supposed friends) ould pay for her flight for her honeymoon, her mother and partner could pay for the hotel and her dad could give her spending money!!  In the invites she sent out she asked for cheques as she had lived with her hubby to be for 5 years and didn't need anything.  Bad move - we took her at her word about needing nothing - so thats what she got!!

[FP]

I think it's completely rude and out of order, smudge.  I think that the world has gone mad and materialistic beyond all reason.  To be honest with you I can't stand wedding gift lists anyway, especially when they name the store you have to buy the gift in.  I preferred the old days when people contacted the bride and groom and discussed with them what they would like and the people getting married wouldn't mention anything that was too expensive!

Weddings have just become big business like everything else!  People spend out thousands on throwing a wedding reception and then expect people to spend out on expensive gifts as well.

I consider myself a generous person and will give gifts gladly, but I don't like being dictated to!

(Plus I don't like weddings!!)

Here endeth my rant of the day.

x

[FP]

Smudge,  Save up the Tesco's 'Computers for Schools' vouchers and give them those for a wedding present.  After all this time of not seeing the family, it is even worse to do what they have done!

[rod]

What a nerve I can see the scenario, no contact for  5 years invite to wedding then you buy present then after wedding bye bye smudge. Then again I might be wrong go with your gut feeling.

[Miss Zippy]

I think it is very rude and presumptious in the circumstances to include a gift request with the invite. Traditional etiquette is to contact the bride's mother for ideas or to put on the invite "contact [name] for wedding gift ideas", though I guess anything goes these days and I've received invites in the past enclosing a wedding list.

[butter1]

I went to my friends wedding about 3 years ago and the cheapest thing on their list was a TV!!  Plus, everything had to be bought from John Lewis.  I never bothered with the list, I just gave her vouchers - but I can't believe the things they put on this list.  I too would go with your gut feeling smudge... you don't have to get them anything if you didn't want to.  Your choice.

[5029]

Presumably, inviting you to the wedding means that they are paying for your meals and some drink and the venue at the reception.  The present is just reciprocating that gesture.

 

Personally I enjoy giving, and especially shopping and looking at what people have chosen for their gifts so i dont have a problem with wedding requests

[Robinia]

Ooooh smudge this would bring out the devilish imagination in me!  Can you still get pvc binders for catalogues like you used to?  (Think they were for the 'Mrs Bucket' types to disguise the fact they shopped from catalogues).  I'd get one & put the latest Argos copy inside & tell them you'd got them everything they wanted!  Well a piccy of everything!

In reality I'd probably do as andy suggests & get a voucher.

FP - thought I was the only female who doesn't like weddings!  My youngest son says he won't marry (they're happy as they are) so his older bro made up for it & did it twice!

[graemer]

smudge, just get them a toaster or some place mats. It won't be unwrapped in front of you will it? Then you and Mr. Smudge eat and drink as much as you can, say goodbye sweetly and you won't hear for another five years anyway. Or else swap all the gift tags when no one's looking.

[ShellyHall]

When I got married we didn't put a gift list in with the invitations.  We had a list at home, but waited for people to contact us.

A few of my friends have got married recently and they all put lists in with their invites. 

I usually have a look at what's on the list and if there's nothing within my price range or nothing I want to get them, I just get what I want.  It might **** them off, but it's the thought that counts.

When I got married lots of people didn't buy pressies off the list so we did end up with two of somethings.  I have to say it made dividing our goods easier when we got divorced - one toaster for you, one for me!

[FP]

5029   I have to disagree that the present is in return for food and drink at the wedding.  I like buying gifts for people too and always choose carefully and don't like to duplicate.  However, I just hate the greed that has now crept in to buying wedding presents and also the expectations.

I actually like to choose unusual gifts that I know will be appreciated by the couple.

[FP]

I got married on a Monday in a registry office with hardly any guests hence very few presents.  Perhaps I am just jealous!!

[smudge]

Thank you for all your sensible, rebellious & hilarious replies! I've been in stitches reading some of them!

I feel so disrespectful to my brother on posting this question - but I was a bit p!ssed off when I opened the envelope this morning. I suppose it's because he & my sis-in-law, rushed over here & was gushing when our first three Grandchildren were born - but little Izzy aged 2, hasn't had a mention or a cuddle by them yet!

My husband & I are the most giving people on this planet & would never skimp on a gift. It's not that I don't want to buy them anything - it's just the assumption of it!

I'm not sure whether we will go yet - but if we do, I'll just smile sweetly, as you do & enjoy the day! If we don't, I'll go for a ride on me bike!

Thanks again for the laughs - loved all the alternative gift ideas!

[smudge]

Andy - Good luck with your daughter's Wedding Day.

The worst part of all the planning, is whether to invite Auntie Doris or Uncle Tom, Cobbly & all!

[Octavius]

I think with so many couples living together now nobody knows what to buy them if/when they get married.  I don't see any problem with including an ideas list in the invite most of the people I know now who have or are getting married and their friends and relations expect a wedding list.  Personally I'd prefer cash!

[smudge]

FP - We got married on a Wednesday, in a Register Office - I was 17, he was 18! Very few guests, so very few presents & Fish & Chips for tea! But do you know what:

"We've been together now for forty years & it don't seem a day too long".

We've been to lots of 'posh' weddings, with an abundance of gifts & food, but after a few years some of them ended up throwing custard tarts at each other & divorced! We might have done the custard tart bit a few times, but.......Happy days!

[Dom Tuk]

Wedding lists are a nuisance in what should be a happy ocassion and the fact that even the royal family indulges in this bit of petty materialism is shocking. I find this practice abhorrent and downright rude. The giving of a gift is an accepted practise but to demand the gift is silly. If the practise of wedding lists came about because people did not want to be saddled with dozens of toasters then do what the majority of Indian wedding invitations in india do (sadly it has not reached the Uk asian population yet). I have received 3 invitations from distant relatives in the past 20 years and all of them say at the bottom...no presents please. It makes you want to attend.

[smudge]

Ah, thanks Dom - that sounds really lovely & unselfish!

It must make you feel not only like attending, but to shower them with lots of tenners instead of confetti.