Voodoo

Hymie | 21:50 Sat 24th Dec 2011 | Jokes

5 Answers

A businessman was getting ready for a long business trip. Knowing that his wife was the flirtatious type with an extremely healthy sex drive – he decided to buy her something that might keep her satisfied during his absence.

He went along to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around – but nothing seemed to fit the bill.
He started talking with the old man behind the counter – and explained to him his predicament. The old man said that he only had one product that might be the answers to his prayers. Reaching down from below the counter he produced an ornate carved wooden box. Curious, the businessman asked what it was.
Opening the lid of the box, the old man said that it was a ‘Voodoo Penis’.
On seeing the box contents, the businessman laughed – saying that it looked much the same as the other dildos in his shop.

But you haven’t seen what it can do – said the storekeeper.
He pointed to the shop door and said ‘Voodoo Penis – the door’

At which the Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box and started pounding the door. The whole door shook violently with the vibrations. Before any damage was done to the door, the old man commanded the magic wand to cease – saying ‘Voodoo Penis – return to box.’ At which the Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box – lying still once more.

‘I must have it’ said the businessman – handing over his credit card for the £1,000 purchase price.

The guy took it home to his wife, explaining to her that it was a special magic wand – and that to use it, all she had to do was say ‘Voodoo Penis – my crotch.’

He left for his business trip, satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he’d been gone a few days, she began to get horny – remembering the Voodoo Penis, she undressed, opened the box and said ‘Voodoo Penis – my crotch.’ At which the Voodoo Penis started work on her – fully satisfying her sexual arousal. So much so, she became exhausted and tried to pull it out – but it was stuck fast, still thrusting. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She dressed herself and got into the car to drive to the emergency department. On route, the thrusting of the magic wand made her driving erratic and she was pulled over by a police officer – believing that she may be intoxicated.

He asked her for her licence and how much she had had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she had had nothing to drink – but that she had this Voodoo Penis stuck in her crotch, giving her multiple orgasms.

The police officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied ‘Yeah, right….Voodoo Penis – my @rse.’