School Children's Induced Out Pouring Of Grief

[dave50]

Whenever there is a tragedy that involves a school child dying in an accident or any tragic circumstances, there is always a reporter at their school saying that the other children are 'struggling' to come to terms with it or that the whole school is absolutely devastated and councillors are on hand to help and there are pictures of large groups of children in big groups hugging and weeping. How much of this mass grieving is induced by the media and how much is genuine? It seems that this unnecessary group weeping and grieving is becoming the norm these days. I remember when I was at school in the early seventies and someone I knew fairly well was killed in a road accident. There was no mass weeping and grieving, no need for counselling. It was the talk of the school for a couple of days yes but then most forgot about it and moved on. Not because we weren't bothered, it's just that kids in those days weren't whipped up into a frenzy. I am not saying it's not devastating for close family or friends, of course it is but I am left uneasy about all this hysteria among everyone who happens to be in the vicinity of some personal tragedy. Anyone agree?

[Canary42]

Yes, totally agree - one of my best pals was drowned on the Norfolk Broads when I was a school-kid - reaction not at all sensationalised, just private sorrow.

[Canary42]

P.S. That was in the Fifties

[2sp_]

When I was in primary 3 our beloved teacher died suddenly during the Christmas holidays.

Our whole class and indeed the school in general were devastated and the upset was widespread and deeply felt.

We would have done well for having some sort of support from councillors, but as this was in the early 80s, we were just left to get on with it.

I do agree that there is a tendency for complete strangers to publicly grieve for someone though. I find that a bit odd.

[ummmm]

Stiff upper lip, and all that.

[mrs_overall]

One of my classmates ran out from behind the school bus and was knocked down and killed.
We were naturally upset but just got on with it - there were no group hugs or counselling back then

[mrs_overall]

Hmmm, you are right there triggs

[2sp_]

Saying that, I did blub like a baby through most of Comic Relief's films from Africa on Friday night. And I don't personally know any of the people suffering over there.

I guess my stiffupperlipectomy has been a roaring success then.

[ichkeria]

Absolutely: in my day we weren't whipped into a frenzy, we were just whipped.
But tell the young folk that today and they won't believe you :-)

[LazyGun]

Does the media tend to oversensationalise things? Yes.

How much of the reported grief is genuine, and how much is just the conventional journalistic shorthand is anyones guess.

What was remembered as being the "grief standard" of the 70s is not the gold standard of how we should behave, forever and a day surely?

I share some of the uneasiness over hysterical grief for a stranger - I am still bemused by the weirdness following Princess Dianas death for example - but I haven't really noticed these pictures of large groups of kids hugging each other as you appear to have done.

[Sharingan]

My family are quite stiff upper lip in public but privately we can wail all we like. I'm not comfortable with public outpourings of grief over people I hardly know, and I'm quite young I think compared to most people here. I just think it's silly and attention seeking, and moves the focus from those who are really deeply affected towards those who really arn't suffering at all, and that to me is disrespectful to the family and close friends of dead person.

[Canary42]

Well said sharingan.

[DJHawkes]

Wehn I was 11 a girl in my class, Vera Rawsthorne, was killed under a bus as she walked to school , she lived on the Scot Estate and had to cross County Road to get to school and it was the main Preston to Liverpool Road there. We said prayers for her in Sunday School but she had been the naughty girl of the class and I thought even at the time that the teachers seemed not quite as upset as we were. I've never forgotten her. Her death is registered in Ormskirk Q1 1967, seems very strange seeing it there. Seems sad that noone seems to have added her to their family history.

[trt]

I 100% agree Dave and what also annoys me is when the people lay flowers, teddy bears etc as a shrine.
As for the ones that leave alcohol (Ami Whitehouse comes to mind) that really makes me mad

[douglas9401]

I agree dave.
trt, isn't your reaction the other side of the same coin? Why get upset at something done by a stranger?

[New Judge]

As suggested by Lazy Gun, the “shared public grief” first reared its head with the death of the Princess of Wales. It was the day, in my view, when the country lost its marbles. Yes it was sad, yes it was worth a mention on the news. But why anybody should have shown such a ridiculous outpouring of grief over a flighty divorcee who may have been better off at home caring for her children (aged 13 and 15) instead of flitting around Paris is quite beyond me.

I too suffered bereavements when at school. I lost a particularly close friend in a road accident and learnt about it at school assembly when the Head made the sad announcement. We got on with the school day, had a chat about it at lunchtime and that was that.

I share your unease, dave. Children seem to be brought up today to become “victims” at the first opportunity. Life is sometimes unfair, sometimes it’s tough. But life goes on and children should be reminded of that and not encouraged to keel over at the first sign of trouble. They need to be robust and resilient and encouraging them to wail in each other’s arms is no way to ensure that they are.