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Respecting Older People
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Chinese people respect their elderly parents.
Is it just the Chinese who care for their elders parents in old age?
Is it just the Chinese who care for their elders parents in old age?
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My granddad resisted going into a care home. It was social services who insisted because he had a few falls and couldn't be trusted with his medication (admitted to hospital twice in a month in a diabetic coma)
He went on a trial basis and really liked it and never went home.
My nans home is like a hotel. She gets visited everyday, 7 days a week.
He went on a trial basis and really liked it and never went home.
My nans home is like a hotel. She gets visited everyday, 7 days a week.
My mother came to live with us for six months, physically disabled and very frail and very cantankerous. Life was very difficult as I am not that physically able myself and her continuous bad behaviour towards me ground me down. I am an only child - no other help available except for a 15 minute visit from carers every morning, which, to be honest, was no help whatsoever except it gave her someone every day that she could moan about me to.
As Woofy says, you cannot judge people. My mother eventually had to go into a care home otherwise I would have had some sort of breakdown. I visited her most days, but I still felt guilty. We shouldn't feel guilty at all if parents have to go into care.
My son is an only child and I do not expect him to care for me.
Life is now very different from what it was years ago when extended families all lived in the same area and lent a hand.
As Woofy says, you cannot judge people. My mother eventually had to go into a care home otherwise I would have had some sort of breakdown. I visited her most days, but I still felt guilty. We shouldn't feel guilty at all if parents have to go into care.
My son is an only child and I do not expect him to care for me.
Life is now very different from what it was years ago when extended families all lived in the same area and lent a hand.
It is not disrespectful for someone to move to a care home. Unless they have a Power of Attorney in place, or are sectioned, they have to agree and sign the paperwork to go into a home. They are generally not "put" there
Everybody is different and has different circumstances and what is best for one person, may not be the same for another.
I worked in carehomes for many years and we treated our residents as if they were a favourite relative. They had 24 hour attention if they needed it. Not everyone is cut out for caring either. I've met many relatives,who, with all the best intentions, actually seem to do more harm than good, especially when dementia is involved and they don't really understand it.
each to their own.
Everybody is different and has different circumstances and what is best for one person, may not be the same for another.
I worked in carehomes for many years and we treated our residents as if they were a favourite relative. They had 24 hour attention if they needed it. Not everyone is cut out for caring either. I've met many relatives,who, with all the best intentions, actually seem to do more harm than good, especially when dementia is involved and they don't really understand it.
each to their own.
It can depend on culture but also circumstances and soceity.
With the best intentions, not everybody can care for their elderly relatives in the way they wish they could, it isnt a lack of respect for them. My own commitments to work, immediate family (wife and kids if I have them one day) and other social commitments may mean that I cant invest as much time caring for elderly relatives. But I know I would put in as much time as I humanly could.
I dont know enough of Chinese culture to dispute your premise, but I find it a bit narrow minded. Crae homes shouldnt have a stigma attached to them as places "people who dont care" throw their parents!
With the best intentions, not everybody can care for their elderly relatives in the way they wish they could, it isnt a lack of respect for them. My own commitments to work, immediate family (wife and kids if I have them one day) and other social commitments may mean that I cant invest as much time caring for elderly relatives. But I know I would put in as much time as I humanly could.
I dont know enough of Chinese culture to dispute your premise, but I find it a bit narrow minded. Crae homes shouldnt have a stigma attached to them as places "people who dont care" throw their parents!
That is one of the main differences I have noticed since coming here in 1971. Then all the family lived together, the old folk and the youngsters, but nowadays many older folk are put into these new care homes, I think it is sad, but it's the way of things. They do still, on the whole, respect the elderly over here.
When I worked in Albania, I admired their way of working. No parent would ever be left on their own. It was the custom for a new bride to move into the family home of her husband. There could be three/four generations living together. Things are changing though and young people want their own place which has caused a lot of grief for the older traditionalists. Many times when I was invited for a meal I would meet the parents and grandparents, all somehow co-existing and supporting each other.
I remember once when care of the elderly and this "new" disrespect of parents came up at a training day I was on. One of the speakers told us to go and re read Jane Austen and also to look into the topics of almshouses and workhouses. I think that some of us are recalling a halcyon past that never actually existed when we talk about all old folk being care for and respected by their families.
In my observations most of the the problems in our societies stem from the failure to respect the very young.
In many cases adults demand respect and treat the very young as completely subordinate. Little wonder many grow up without any sense of respect for themselves or anyone else.
For example many adults will insist that a child says "excuse me" when interrupting an adult conversation but will simply barge in to the child's communications. They want the child to say "please" and "thank you" but simply demand the compliance of the child.
I brought my children up as equals. Now they have their own children I can tell you that it works even better into the next generation.
The whole premise of "respect your elders" is just another misguided presumption thrust upon us by primitive religious texts. Yes it is in the Bible which also tells us to beat our children and even stone them to death for disrespect.
No doubt some of you will say "there goes beso again deriding the good book" but the truth is that much of what is wrong in the world is firmly rooted in the philosophy contained in revered old books written by ancient ignorant men.
It is no accident that the Chinese have different attitudes about respect. They were not exposed to the rubbish contained in the hideous Abrahamic tomes.
In many cases adults demand respect and treat the very young as completely subordinate. Little wonder many grow up without any sense of respect for themselves or anyone else.
For example many adults will insist that a child says "excuse me" when interrupting an adult conversation but will simply barge in to the child's communications. They want the child to say "please" and "thank you" but simply demand the compliance of the child.
I brought my children up as equals. Now they have their own children I can tell you that it works even better into the next generation.
The whole premise of "respect your elders" is just another misguided presumption thrust upon us by primitive religious texts. Yes it is in the Bible which also tells us to beat our children and even stone them to death for disrespect.
No doubt some of you will say "there goes beso again deriding the good book" but the truth is that much of what is wrong in the world is firmly rooted in the philosophy contained in revered old books written by ancient ignorant men.
It is no accident that the Chinese have different attitudes about respect. They were not exposed to the rubbish contained in the hideous Abrahamic tomes.
The most callous thing i ever heard was last year at Manchester Royal Infirmary.
I was in a queue in the cafe and overheard a man in his early 40's talking to a woman.
Him - Yes the hospital phoned me up to say my mum was on her way out and was asking for me. They wanted to know if I'd come and sit with her. I told them there was no way I was coming all the way from Blackpool (50 miles) as it was too expensive. So they've paid for a taxi to bring me here and they're paying for the return as well.
Her - I should think so. It's their job to be with her not yours.
I just can't comprehend how they could think like that about his mother.
I was in a queue in the cafe and overheard a man in his early 40's talking to a woman.
Him - Yes the hospital phoned me up to say my mum was on her way out and was asking for me. They wanted to know if I'd come and sit with her. I told them there was no way I was coming all the way from Blackpool (50 miles) as it was too expensive. So they've paid for a taxi to bring me here and they're paying for the return as well.
Her - I should think so. It's their job to be with her not yours.
I just can't comprehend how they could think like that about his mother.
My brother lived with my mother, he was very good with her but after a few years was nearly going crazy looking after her on his own. I would have taken her in but my OH wouldn't have been happy with that. All we could do was look after her while my bro went out for days off for some respite or took them both out for the day somewhere.
The Chinese people we know are Catholic and stlll have the 'honour thy father' thing bezo. Respecting ones elders is nothing short of love and gratitude for all the care love and life they gave us. Not a religious thing at all.
The Chinese people we know are Catholic and stlll have the 'honour thy father' thing bezo. Respecting ones elders is nothing short of love and gratitude for all the care love and life they gave us. Not a religious thing at all.
Daffy - I have understood from previous posts that you had issues with your mother and I feel for you really I do. Of course not everyones parents are perfect, most people aren't perfect so why we should expect that from our parents is a mystery sometimes.
The difference between yourself and the person I was talking about is that he was prepared to see his mother providing it didn't financially burden him.
I am no expert on this subject having lost my mother when I was 19 and my father 8 years later but I like to think that had things been different I would have been there for them.
The difference between yourself and the person I was talking about is that he was prepared to see his mother providing it didn't financially burden him.
I am no expert on this subject having lost my mother when I was 19 and my father 8 years later but I like to think that had things been different I would have been there for them.
The Chinese are beginning to realise that their one-child policy means that one couple has to look after four old parents. No brothers or sisters are around to help. Things are worse in Japan, where as soon as a woman marries she becomes responsible for her husband's parents, (As well as her own if she has no brothers) No wonder so many japanese girls are refusing to marry at all.
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