I, I, I,

[just_George]

Does anyone have an idea why. I have a friend who is lovely,warm and caring but she seems to need to talk about herself, NOT in a 'focus on me' way. Its more that she tells people everything about her life and has an opinion on everything, its not critical of others its just "well I think...." or offering advice even when its not asked for, its always in a nice way.

[saxy_jag]

Do you know me? 'Cause I think I'm a bit like that sometimes although hopefully not as bad as I used to be. I think it comes from a need to be accepted and not thought of as somehow being inferior by present company - and that, I'm afraid, includes friends.

It's taken slow realisation and some gentle pointers from my OH to make me understand what I'm doing and why I do it and, more importantly, that I am just as valid or as good as anyone else to the people who matter.

[boxtops]

Perhaps she's not very good at picking up signs from other people, and all she knows to talk about is herself.

[coccinelle]

Well, if you started talking about topics she knows nothing about she's going to feel a bit 'thick' so by keeping the conversation on her life she knows exactly what she's talking about.
There are people out there who know nothing of what's going on in the world because it doesn't interest them, what does is their everyday lives.

[woofgang]

People do and say what works for them. She must have learned (maybe unconsciously) that this style of conversation gets her what she wants so she does it.

[Sqad]

LOL......perhaps you're just too boring to talk about George.

I am a bit like your friend and i have had a fulfilling life talking about myself.

[Hypognosis]

It's supposed to be the most commonly used word in the English language.

Perhaps, just for fun, you could try an "I box". Like a swear box except it can be 1p, 2p or whatever remaining coins she has about her person, until she runs out. You only need to maintain the game for as long as it takes to get the point across.

She could have a perfectly valid reason - such as she doesn't know enough about other acquaintances to make them the subject of conversation - and only after thinking it through (prompted by the "I box") will she be able to answer your question.

[coccinelle]

There might also be the possibility of her being reprimanded as a child for talking about other people so keeps things on a safe level when talking about herself. When I'm talking to a neighbour I don't talk about another neighbour to them; that's not my 'business'.

[Old_Geezer]

Different people are different, their mental processes work in different ways. I suspect she is nervous and finds comfort/secure feelings in being open and in sharing what she thinks. Fair enough. I also suspect she feels she is being helpful and therefore maybe even popular ?

[just_George]

Thanks everyone you have all been great as usual, hopefully over time she wont need to validate herself quite so much.
I was going to mark a best answer but can't decide between saxy_jag amd old geezer. Hope I can be a good friend and use these.


















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[Theland]

Oh my word, you know my sister in law. Me myself and I.