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Snappy Response Required.

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beeseejay | 16:53 Sat 28th Dec 2013 | Society & Culture
19 Answers
Just got a new phone/answering machine. It did not come with a built-in message. I would welcome suggestions for one please - humourous, even mildly abusive, but not too 'smart ar..y'. Thanks folks
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Avatar Image Mosaic
Alert your friends, then use this one which will deter any cold callers:
"This is Inspector Grahams of Scotland Yard speaking. The number you have called is the subject of a murder investigation and you are now a potential subject. I will need to interview you to ascertain your relationship to the deceased so please leave your contact details after the tone."
17:07 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Baldric

Mine says,
"You know who this is, you know what to do!"
17:09 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image boxtops
Oh dear, I do hate answerphone messages which are "witty". My friend has one which says "..leave your number and we'll ring you back, but then, we might not". It makes me think, sod you then. Just leave a sensible message. Please.
17:35 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Psybbo
I really like Mosaic's
17:37 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image boxtops
I wouldn't leave a message on that, on principle.
17:38 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image boxtops
Suppose it was your granny ringing you, and she thought you'd been murdered?
17:39 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image The Builder
A friend of mine has on hers ..............

"Not in right now ... probably playing golf..."
17:46 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image craft1948
"We may be out, or we may be in waiting for you to burgle us"
17:53 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Eve
Ones which drive me mad are those which just say hello (in the person's own voice) so you start talking away then trying to work out if they can hear you etc... before you realise you're actually on voicemail.

I imagine listening to the messages may be amusing.
18:01 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Purple_Popple
"Please leave your name and inside leg measurement after the tone and I will get back to you" :)
18:04 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Psybbo
'We are currently screening calls'
18:05 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Tilly2
Please leave a message after the tone. If I want to speak to you, I will ring you back. If not, I won't.
18:09 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image mibn2cweus
Either I'm not home or I'm busy loading my shotgun. My question for any thief that had the presence of mind to call first is . . . "Are you feeling lucky?"
23:12 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image DaisyNonna
What if Tone has not left a message Tilly?
23:14 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image tonyav
She never phones me back, Daisy !.
23:16 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image DaisyNonna
I would!
23:17 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image Postdog
IMO a witty message is a waste of time. Keep it simple. I can't be bothered to listen otherwise
23:18 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image shoota
'You are currently in a queue. One of our operatives will be with you in 27 minutes. Your call is valuable to us, please hold.....'
23:20 Sat 28th Dec 2013
Avatar Image ll_billym
Mine says:

"Hi, you have NOT reached ll_billym...'
17:36 Sun 29th Dec 2013

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