Letting Go Of The Past?

[anthony25]

Not sure if I’ve posted this in the right place but here it goes,I was in a relationship for 12 years with a girl we met when I was 21 she was 18 she was my world my soul mate,I fell into a world of drug abuse which contributed to us ending 3 years ago but I can’t seem to let it go there’s not a day that doesent go buy I don’t think about her we had a lot together I don’t blame her for any of it I’ve been clean now 12 months I see my 2 little girls every week,when we actually split up she was with someone else within 2 weeks he moved in our home then she was pregnant 3 months later I had the snip as we had 5 miscarriages together it was a mutual thing as having 2 kids we were more than happy with wa we had but it felt like a kick in the you know what..I put £20,000 into doing our home up I’ve come along way from moving back with my mum to where I am today but she’s still in my heart my mind every day I miss her as much today as I did then and I’m wondering if that’s always how it’s going to be?..I’ve had dates and so on but how I feel is why I can’t even get close to anyone ...I hope all this makes sense and someone can point me in the right direction if there is one would be much appreciated !

[ummmm]

3 years isn't actually that long. You sound like you're grieving with maybe some guilt thrown in for the mistakes you made. Try and be kind to yourself. Not many of us have lead a completely blame free life. Forgive yourself, you won't be able to move on until you do. Good luck and well done for staying clean.

[Old_Geezer]

Unsure how much help this is but; one's conscious attitude seems to guide one's underlying feelings to some extent. Working on accepting something has gone rather than allowing yourself the mull over a lost dream of a future that wasn't to be should gradually help your subconscious not keep regularly bringing it up for you to consider for minutes on end.

Regularly wishing it worked out differently becomes self perpetuating. You inrulge consciously and your subconscious seems to latch on that, that prived interesting, and brings it up again and again. Best acknowledge the thought/memory when it occurs but then opt to spend time thinking of something else more relevant to now. It is getting your mind to accept rather than long for what was that allows you to let things go.

I appreciate it's more difficult because of the regular contact because of your girls, but I still believe consciously working towards acceptance, rather than wishing and hoping for a return, is worthwhile.

[Old_Geezer]

INDULGE

[Old_Geezer]

PROVED

[pumpjack]

3 years is a long time to get over someone, i went through hell when my marriage broke up, i guess that children are the main cause of the heartache....i used to wake up crying in my sleep ! now i look back and wonder why i stayed with her for so long and look back and think how good life is right now without her,,,lucky escape and all that..

age old saying is so true

time is a great healer

[pumpjack]

i forgot to add, well done for getting clean !
no one wants to be a drug addict and no children need a dad who is taking drugs

[pumpjack]

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