Consistently Inconsistent.

[david small]

Had this forwarded to me today.
Just so everyone’s clear:
* 4 year olds can go to school, but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* A teacher can go to school with many 4 year olds that they are not related to, but can’t see one 4 year old that they are related to.
* You can sit in a park, but not today or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* You can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe, but not two people so if you know two people from another household you have to pick your favourite. Hopefully, you’re also their favourite person from your household or this could be awkward. But possibly you’re not. But as I can’t go closer than 2m to the one you choose anyway you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict your eyeline too much and prevent you from being alert.
* You can work all day with your colleagues, but you can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* You can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day feels like you are some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.
* You can drive to other destinations, although which destinations is unclear.
* The buses are still running past your house, but you shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more, so we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.
Don’t forget...
Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.
Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my cats and I can actually see them. Plus I know a bit about cats and very little about controlling viruses.
Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.
So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

[Tilly2]

How discombobulating it all is, David. Thanks for clearing that up. :-)

[jno]

Wednesday is nearly here, so stay alert and all will become clear. Let me know when you get the answers.

[gness]

Luckily you have an alert statesman at the helm, David....he will explain it all to you...or maybe not..... ;-)

[teacake44]

Also, for three months, government advice, wearing face masks makes little difference according to scientific research.
TODAY, it is official advice from the government to wear a face mask should you not be able to keep social distance, especially on public transport. So as the scientific advice changed? or are we just not being told? as the government insist that they always follow the scientific advice in whatever they do.
And the biggest laugh of all is, if you don't have one, cut a tee shirt up. OMG WHAT A JOKE!! no wonder we've seen another 600 deaths today.

[fiction-factory]

Teacake- we clarified all your misunderstandings on the other thread but as usual you just plod on repeating them.

[teacake44]

Face masks not made official until this evening, I can't help it if I was right 3 months ago. :0)

[fiction-factory]

You still have the wrong end of the stick but that's your prerogative, Teacake..

[Cloverjo]

I know, David. It’s mad isn’t it? If my mum was still alive I’d have to choose which of my parents I’d rather see.
All this ‘we’ve been perfectly clear’ Err no, you’re still not.
People who work in clothes shops - they can’t work from home so can they go to work? No, they’re not open.

[fiction-factory]

Good job it's Chatterbank. The home of chatter and nonsense.
There's always some who have too much time on their hands and enjoy trying to pick holes in what is pretty straightforward if common sense is applied.
Stay alert for these sorts of messages. I'd just delete them and block the sender .
By the way, Stages 2,3 and 4 are clearly defined and anyone who can understand traffic lights for example should be able to note when told the level is changing.
Oh I'm a weirdo who likes unlimited exercise.

[fiction-factory]

>People who work in clothes shops - they can’t work from home so can they go to work? No, they’re not open.
What's your point please cloverjo? Same applies to lots of jobs- footballers, hospitality, driving instructors, hairdressers. Their time will come

[THECORBYLOON]

TEACAKE, can you give a link to the guidance saying folk should wear face masks if unable to maintain social distancing?

[teacake44]

I don't think I have the wrong end of the stick at all. Especially if you compare it with the rubbish instructions coming from government at the moment. Boris is off his nut I would think, along with the rest of his gang.

[teacake44]

20.43 You really need to focus on the evening news more, I've not really got the time to keep you up to speed every day, but I will do my best.

[maggiebee]

Thanks for that David. If it wasn't so serious I'd be laughing my head off. Thank goodness for Nicola Sturgeon and her daily updates, at least there's no ambiguity in what she says.

[THECORBYLOON]

Surely the news was quoting official guidance? If you're not able to give a link to that news item, a link to the guidance will do.

Otherwise, some folk might think you're wrong.

[teacake44]

Have you not seen the official guidance, laid out by David Small above? but you don't seem to be questioning that, that's why I know your just playing about with me, but I won't be taking the bait :0))))
Keep up with the news there's a good person, and my be the penny will drop for you when you see lots of folk wearing face masks.
Now I must clock off because I need my brandy, I'm starting to get the shakes, I've only just managed to get over not having a sausage roll from Greggs. Plus I get the feeling I'm being followed around on AB by an unknown, well nearly unknown. :0)))))))))))

[Togo]

https://independencedaily.co.uk/your-daily-betrayal-tuesday-12th-may-2020-49th-covid-19-pandemic-special-day-50-of-lockdown-britain/?utm_source=mailpoet&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=INDEPENDENCE+Daily+Newsletter1

[douglas9401]

This is what happens when a committee gets busy.

[weecalf]

I’ve said it afore Ive said it in Brighton .......

[Peter Pedant]

god what a life you lead
you know it is all voluntary, innit ?

and you havent done the bit for people whose houses straddle various borders - so that their hands and feet are in different countries