A Glut Of Groaners

[Canary42]

A few I found on another forum (some seem familiar from here before) :-

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.

Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

How much did the US pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

My friends and I have named our band 'Duvet'. It's a cover band.

I lost my girlfriend's audiobook, and now I'll never hear the end of it.

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stair.

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.

Scientists analysed the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the result was staggering.

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're.

I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls were and he replied, "Aisle B, back."

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness

[Patsy33]

Some good ones there, Canary! :-))

[maggiebee]

Good to have a laugh - will share some of these if you don't mind

[Hopkirk]

Excellent. Are you Tim Vine in disguise?