Are you starring me out!

[RobertBurden]

What's the best way to deal with someone who says "Are you starring me out!!". Or being really aggressive?

I'm a London bus driver and someone starred me out tonight and I said can I help you? He became really aggressive, calling me a prick and everything.
I felt like retaliating but had to try and contain my anger because I was at work.
No matter what I say I find it real difficult in dealing with aggressive people,
Any ideas please.

[Lonnie]

Its a clear challenge, but of course, there's no way you could do anything, much as you'd have liked to.
All you can do is laugh it off, because of your job, unless one of these idiots actually becomes physical, you have to back down, and thats not a nice feeling.

I work on the Underground, and can sympathise with whats happened.

[jake-the-peg]

It's important to remember that in confrontational situations adrenaline rushes through you and you see things out of all perspective.

How much money and pride would you sacrifice to avoid a charge of assault and battery or a long stay in hospital.

My karate instructor once said to me "You don't win fights, you survive them" and I think it's very true. The middle of a fight is a really, really bad time to discover that someone has a knife!

It sounds like you did really well - there are a lot of courses for dealing with aggresive and potentially violent people, if anyone needs them I'd say London Bus drivers must be way up there. Is there a rep or anyone who could suggest it to your management - it'd be worth it to them if avoided seeing one iof their drivers (not you) in a fist fight in the press

[mibn2cweus]

Where are the cameras when you need them?

[Octavius]

Personally I agree with all of the above. Had you done anything it would be you who would have lost (the fight, your job, a lawsuit etc). I read once that the best way to diffuse an aggressive situation is to say something quite off the wall to confuse the person and throw them into disarray. I cannot vouch whether it works and would be hesitant to try it myself, but perhaps on another occasion try saying something� er like� �hmm? Sorry? I was just thinking about having sausages for tea tonight� and then smile and turn or walk away.

The person who told me this was a self defence instructor. Easy for him to say!

[WaldoMcFroog]

Derren Brown suggests in his excellent 'Tricks of the Mind' book that responding with a pleasant tone of voice with a question of your own, and one that is entirely irrelevant to the conversation at hand can work. He has successfully used 'Don't you find the walls in America are too high?' to defuse exactly the situation you describe.

He explains it by saying that the posing of a question that doesn't fit into the agressor's 'flow chart' of expected responses, makes him pause, and derails the escalation into violence.

Not that I've ever tried it myself, of course.

[joko]

a girl and her mates did this to me once, (chavvy scum) so i tried to think of the nearest celebrity that she even vaguely looked like (a pretty one!) and said " oh i was just thinking how like cat deely you look, i thought you were her for a minute" and smiled. - she was obviously flattered and said "really? do you reckon" and walked off all puffed up with pride.

I just wished i'd been about to get on a bus or in a car so i could have shouted out the window as i sped away, that she looked nothing like her, far too ugly and laughed like a maniac at her - hehe.

you could also say a model, or somehting else flattering such as you were just admiring their hair or makeup or something - or even just say " that actor...of the telly"

bit more difficult with blokes though - perhaps look sad and say you look just like my dear departed brother or something.

[NikkiB]

lol. You want to try being female (to those who aren't) We are stared at all the time, checked out, judged, categorised and scrutinised. Both men and women are guilty of this. And countless shrinks attest to the behaviour women are subjected to whilst men are given one quick glance then the courtesy of being ignored. I hate going into bars where I know at least 20 of the clientele cannot rest until they have checked out my features good and proper and nudged their friends to implore them to get a good look too.
I'm not downplaying the aggressive staring the author of this post was obviously recieving, but it's still ill-mannered and irritating.

[RobertBurden]

Cheers Everyone. Good advice...

[IggyB]

i can attest to the baffling question approach working a treat - some meat head was doing the "what you looking at" routine to me a couple of years back, told him i was just wondering why you never see any baby pidgins and asked him why he thought that was - threw him right off, had a quick conversation about each of us hating flying vermin and we both wandered off unscathed

[lankeela]

If someone says "what are you looking at" you could turn your head to the side, and say, "who said that, I'm sorry I can't see you, I'm blind"

Wouldn't work if you are driving a bus though!