My neighbor ignores me

[chinlady67]

We just moved into a new community and our neighbors next door appeared to be friendly at first. Then they made remarks that they are very private, and homebodies and when we offered to take them to our favorite restaurant, the husband said that they already have friends that take them everywhere. The husband is friendly towards my husband but avoids me. I think it is because he found out I am Jewish. My husband isn't Jewish so he seems to be okay. Maybe I am over reacting, but I never even go over to their house or gave them any reason to believe I wanted to be more than a neighbor. I don't understand any of this. The husband is always coming over here to offer help to my husband, but wants nothing to do with me. The wife is friendlier but has made some remakrs too. I am a very private person, and mind my own business. However it is not pleasant when the husband comes over and only talks to my husband and avoids me. I haven't mentioned it to my husband. I suspect he might already know what is going on.

[Coobeastie]

Prehaps he just prefers the company of men....shouldn't read too much in to it.

[chinlady67]

Every time I say something to the husband he comes up with a snappy answer. I don't understand any of it. I hope I am wrong in thinking he has a problem with me because I am Jewish. I don't like to think that. But, in this case it seems very obvious.

It doesn't matter to me because I do not have to socialize with them. If they are good neighbors that is what really counts.

[Beria]

erm...talk to your husband!

[matt66]

freindly neighbours...highly overrated concept. it does not exist. the slightest bit of disagreement will show that all neighbourly friendships are in fact selfish associations. Its best to keep neighbours at a distance. You are better off not knowing them.

Is the problem a Jewish Islam thing. Are the neighbours islamic?

[Gromit]

totally disagree with matt66, good neighbours are worth their weight in gold.

Your situation reminds me of a friend who met a girl and they got married. My friend's wife didn't want anything to do with his friends and especially his female friends. Turned out she was just very jealous. Imagined her husband was having affairs with any female he spoke to. He would still talk to us but got in trouble if she found out (just confirmed her suspicions). This is still unresolved, but just just a problem she had and nothing to do with race, religion etc.

[matt66]

Gromit....i suspect you have very good neighbours. You either like your neighbours because they are very helpul to you or vice versa. Usually one side benefits from the others generosity and kindness. You could put this to the test........

Ask to rebuild the fence and ask for the costs to be split.

Ask the neighbour if they would mind any alterations to the front or back of property (just as an exercise)

Ask if when rebuilding the fence you could move it just 3 cms into their land......nothing much but just 3 cms into their land as you have a lovely plant that needs the space/or it will have to be cut (or some similar excuse).

Let me know the answers to these hypothetical questions.

[Gromit]

matt66,

We have a stone wall, 2 foot think and immovable.

I do have good neighbours and they have become friends. I do not judge my friendships by how much I benefit, I do have friendships that are totally one sided, I give more than I receive back, but I can still be friends with that person.

My sister moved house a year ago, and she still doesn't know the names of people in her new street other than her immediate neighbours. This selfish 'me and f*ck the rest' attitude is the cause of breakdown in communities is the route of anti social behaviour.

[alijangra]

How offensive Gromit! I choose not socialise with my neighbours, in fact do not know their names either. I am not selfish, my attitude does not cause 'a breakdown in the community' or anti-social behaviour. I choose to keep myself to myself because that is what i want to do. I have enough friends already and I dont trust people easily. If a neighbour came to my door and genuinely needed help, I would try my best. I dont really wish to know their names or have them turn up at my door for a 'chat', so what?

[Gromit]

alijangra,

You can never have enough friends.

Your neighbours will probably look out of the window one day and say "Whatsinames just getting burgled, better put a new bolt on the back door".

[paddywak]

I don't socialise a lot with my neighbours but I count them as friends & know I can rely on them to give me a hand with anything. We all let each other know when we're going away etc and help with such things as keeping an eye on property, watering plants etc. you dont have to be great friends to be good neighbours

[ReinaLuna]

Alijangra don't you think you are over touchy?? It's the second time I read a post of you complaining about what other people said... one was such a silly thing about an eye shadow, and now this!!! You don't seem to be able to accept different opinions than yours.

I don't see anything offensive in what Gromit said, in fact I agree mostly with her, being friendly with the neighbours doesn't mean they will be in your house the whole time... just means you can count on them if any problem arises.

Chinlady, if I was you I'd ask your husband first, and if he doesn't know anything or pretends he doesn't, why don't you go and ask directly this man? He will be surprised and it won't give him time to think so he will probably answer the truth, and at least you feel lighter after clearing the doubt...

[chinlady67]

They may be very good neighbors, and I think if something happened and we needed help, they would help. I didn't mean I don't need to socialize with my neighbors. I meant I do not need to be their friend. Being neighbors would be fine for me. And, his snappy remarks, I can do without. Some of our other neighbors in this community are willing to socialize and that is fine. They act as though I am pushing myself on them or being too agressive and I am not. I don't think my husband surmises anything. I don't think he knows.

[chinlady67]

I mean my neighbors next door act like I am pushy. And, I am not at all. I would be happy just being a neighbor. If they feel that they do not want to be other than a neighbor, that is fine with me. But, why is he so very friendly towards my husband and acts like I have the bubonic plaque. He talks to my husband and if I interject, he acts as though he doesn't want to talk to me.

I don't know. Maybe I am over-reacting and reading into something that is not there. I would like to think that is the case, and not because I am Jewish.

[alijangra]

I have every right to respond to what people say, so if you dont like it, tough ****!

[Gromit]

Shame, alijangra's last two posts have been censored/removed. His neighbourly dispute with ReinaLuna was just hotting up.

[ReinaLuna]

I have a friend in hospital, so I haven't been here for almost this whole week, gromit. But even if I COULD read the posts alijangra left, (the ones you say were censored) I wouldn't probably bother to answer, so the thing would not heat up, because I already noticed he/she is a low level person who tries to point his/her opinions by swearing at others who don't agree, and usually, to discuss with people like that is pointless and a waste of time. So, don't worry, I might get hot in other discussions, but not on this one, and not with this person ;o)
Happy easter, happy pesach chinlady, and happy holidays for the others who will have some free time!