How to get over a crush?

[picklepants]

I'm 35 and FAR to old to have a crush but I do and I need help!! I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years and I love him very much although we've been through a really rough patch recently but he's making a real effort as he knew how close he came to losing me. Over the last few months I've developed a mjaor crush on someone I work with each day - he likes me too and I keep on thinking about him at home and wondering what it would be like to be with him. I keep finding excuses to speak to him which is unfair as I don't want to lead him on but at the same time I would love him to know that if it wsn't for my boyfriend I'd be interested in him. He's the nicest, most gentle guy I've ever known and I know he would treat me well but as I say my boyfriend is being really good to me at the mo. How do I get over this teenage crush as I don't want to throw 12 years away on just wishful thinking. I thought only teenagers get crushes and I haven't had one like this since I was 19!!
Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

[4getmenot]

if your boyfriend is really good to you stick with him. This other crush is just that, boyfriends after a while dont pay you as much attention after the 'honeymoon' period and this other bloke is paying you attention, but thats all it is. If you love this bloke why throw that away. When I was younger I finished with a boy I had been with 2 years because I fell for someone else and didnt think I should be with him if I had feelings for someone else. Some would say the right thing to do, but I wish I hadnt. I was 19 then though and young and stupid and thought I could chop and change and had years left to do what I wanted. I'm sure now you can see that you are older and should be wiser. But at the end of the day no-one can tell you what to do so really up to you. Good Luck. xx

[liquidspace]

Well I have had a crush on a guy at work for over a year, its a major thing for me and I am now getting to the 'pained' stage, meaning its emotionally hurting me to see him, we get on great, go for lunch occasionally but he doesnt really know how much I care for him, I have hinted big time but he doesnt react. I cant give you advice on how to get over it as Im in the same boat, more to let you know that you arent the only one going thru this.
Hope things work out one way or another, all I can say is that you have to let things work out themselves and what will be, will be. Keep us posted and good luck.

[4getmenot]

are you with someone liquidspace

[liquidspace]

Yes I am.

[4getmenot]

Oh I didnt know that, so would you finish with your bloke if this other one gave you any sign of liking you

[liquidspace]

Well he has given me signs of liking me, but I think he likes me as a friend as he knows I am a bit bonkers over him and he has done nothing about it. We also got himself a girlfriend nearly a year ago now. We have been for walks together, I went to his house once to pick up his dogs, at a works do he asked me to go outside for a chat, away from the crowds, we used to text. I think he likes the attention. My own relationship is complicated so am not sure if I would leave or not, possibly yes.

[4getmenot]

sounds very confusing for you both. You can only do what you think you need to do. If it wasnt right thing then you learn from it. Things happen for a reason. xx

[grumpii]

If you are confident your boyfriend can continue showing you the love and affection without it being an effort for him you should give it a chance if you think it will drift back to being a rough patch let him go and even if your crush is a mistake you would still be happier alone or available!

[boxerboy]

don't do it,keep it as a working friendship take advice from someone thats experienced this situation and believe you me it can get very messy

[andy-hughes]

First, you are NEVER TOO OLD to have a crush!

Crushes are a safe emotinal outlet for affection and good feelings, but when they get out of balance, as this one seems to, then it indicates something lacking in your long-term relationship.

It's really easy ti imagine that this man will provide what is subconciously lacking in your partnership, but reality is, you will simply inherit a new set of good feelings, along with an (as yet unseen) set of bad ones, because that is what adult relationshps are about - as previous responses confirm.

You need to see this situati0on for what it is - an idealised imagination which will not be borne out in reality. You must try and focus on your current relationship, and try to find out what is missing. Somethng is, which is why you are attracted to someone else whom you feel will supply it = whether or not he will is not important, it's your need that propels you towards him, so find out what it is, and fix it.

Usual issues are - in no particular order - interest, attention, novelty, newness, ideas or tastes in common, affection, and a (unrealistic) projection of a future with this new person.

Then think - you had all these things with your boyfriend. Some you cannot regain because they naturally decay with time, but some others, the attention and affection, are merely missing, but not lost, so try and find them again.

When you have got over this - and you will - you may look back and be glad you didn't pursue it. Your relationship may break up anyway, but be assured, this crush is a symptom of an issue in your feelings for your partner, it is not a solution to that issue. You need to find that for yourself.

Good luck.

[sssssteve]

I'm 47 and have a crush on one of my managers at work. Most people know about it, including her, and it doesn't seem to be a problem. I know it's a crush and that's all it will ever be.
I just feel good when she is around and I love to talk to her when I can. I think she's adorable even though she's about 20 years younger than me. I wouldn't dream of spoiling this euphoria by making a pass at her or getting too serious.
Besides my marriage is strong enough for me not to take the crush any further.
Enjoy the feelings to help you get through work and then go home and use the emotional high for your own relationship.

[sssssteve]

Sorry, she's about 10 years younger than me. Not 20! Duh!!!!